20/06/2026
WHO ELSE TALKS TO THEIR DOG LIKE THIS?
I’m convinced pet owners have some of the most ridiculous conversations in the world, and we don’t even notice we’re doing it anymore.
You leave the house and say, “I’ll only be five minutes,” as though your dog understands both English and time. You come home late and apologise like they’ve been sitting there checking the clock. You explain where you’re going, why they can’t come, and that yes, you do still love them even though you’re taking the bins out alone.
Then there are the full negotiations. “Please don’t start.” “Don’t look at me like that.” “You’ve already had dinner.” “That was not a cough, that was a request for cheese.”
And somehow none of this feels strange.
We talk to them like tiny furry housemates with strong opinions and questionable boundaries. Honestly, most of them probably do understand more than we think. Or at the very least, they’ve worked out exactly which facial expression gets results.
Be honest. What’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve caught yourself saying to your pet?
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