11/04/2026
I love doodles. My family has owned several of them. However……
🐾 S**T YOU SHOULD KNOW SUNDAY 🐾
THE DOODLE EDITION: THE $4,000 FLUFFY FU***NG FRANKENSTEIN EXPERIMENT. 🐩💩
GOOD MORNING, YOU BEAUTIFUL, EDUCATIONALLY DEPRIVED DISASTERS. ☀️
We’re going to go ahead and warn everyone that WE ARE PROBABLY GOING TO P**S A LOT OF PEOPLE OFF WITH THIS ONE.
Actually, scratch that.
We’re not PROBABLY going to p**s people off.
We’re about to cause a full-blown emotional evacuation of the designer dog community.
Somewhere, a woman named Brittany is going to clutch her $46 Stanley cup, look over at her $4,800 Mini Bernedoodle named Sir Winston Fluffernutter, and start typing a six-paragraph dissertation about how her dog is different.
And somewhere else, a backyard breeder is going to throw their phone across the room because we’re about to explain why breeding two dogs together and inventing a ridiculous name doesn’t make you a fu***ng geneticist.
WELCOME TO S**T YOU SHOULD KNOW SUNDAY: THE DOODLE EDITION.
Before the torches come out, let’s establish something.
WE DO NOT HATE DOODLES.
Some of them are absolutely wonderful dogs. Sweet, intelligent, affectionate, stable, hilarious little creatures that make fantastic companions.
Others behave like someone stuffed an anxiety disorder, a malfunctioning smoke detector, and a professional parkour athlete inside a decorative bath mat.
And THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is exactly why we’re having this conversation.
Because the problem isn’t the dogs.
IT’S THE ABSOLUTE CIRCUS THAT HAS DEVELOPED AROUND BREEDING THEM.
🐩 CHAPTER ONE: THE MAN WHO ACCIDENTALLY UNLEASHED THE FLUFFY APOCALYPSE.
Let’s travel back to the late 1980s.
A man named Wally Conron was working for the Royal Guide Dogs Association of Australia.
He had a legitimate mission.
A woman needed a guide dog, but her husband was allergic to dogs.
So Wally thought, “What if we combined the working abilities of a Labrador Retriever with the coat characteristics of a Poodle?”
Reasonable idea.
Good intentions.
Potentially helpful.
So he bred a Labrador Retriever to a Standard Poodle.
AND THE LABRADOODLE WAS BORN.
Now, here’s where the entire situation goes completely off the fu***ng rails.
Wally eventually realized that his creation had helped unleash an enormous designer dog breeding industry.
People started crossing Poodles with EVERYTHING.
Golden Retrievers.
Bernese Mountain Dogs.
Australian Shepherds.
Cocker Spaniels.
At this point, I’m surprised someone hasn’t tried breeding a Poodle with a fu***ng toaster and advertising the puppies as limited-edition Breakfastdoodles.
AND WALLY?
THE MAN REGRETTED THE HELL OUT OF IT.
He publicly described the Labradoodle as his life’s regret.
He even said:
“I opened a Pandora’s box and released a Frankenstein’s monster.”
LET THAT SINK IN.
The man who helped create the modern doodle phenomenon essentially looked at what had happened and said, “WHAT THE F**K HAVE I DONE?”
Imagine inventing something to help a person with a disability and then watching people turn it into an international puppy-selling competition featuring $5,000 dogs with names like Marshmallow McSnickerdoodle.
HE WANTED TO HELP PEOPLE.
HE DID NOT INTEND TO CREATE A FLUFFY MULTIBILLION-DOLLAR IDIOT CONVENTION.
💰 CHAPTER TWO: THE $5,000 MUTT WITH A PUBLIC RELATIONS TEAM.
Let’s discuss the pricing.
Because GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY.
People are paying $3,000, $4,000, $5,000, and sometimes MORE for designer Poodle mixes.
And what exactly are you purchasing?
A guaranteed temperament?
NO.
A guaranteed adult size?
NO.
A guaranteed non-shedding coat?
ABSOLUTELY FU***NG NOT.
A guarantee that your dog won’t inherit serious health conditions?
HAHAHAHA. ALSO NO.
You’re paying an enormous amount of money for a mixed-breed dog whose coat, structure, size, and temperament may be substantially less predictable than the breeder’s Instagram advertisement suggests.
Now, let’s clarify something before Brittany has a medical emergency in the comments.
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH MIXED-BREED DOGS.
We LOVE mixed-breed dogs.
Our rescue is practically a United Nations convention of questionable genetic combinations.
But we aren’t charging people the equivalent of a used Honda Civic because a puppy has curly hair and looks like a stuffed animal.
And some breeders have the AUDACITY to advertise these dogs as genetically superior simply because they’re mixed.
MA’AM.
THAT IS NOT HOW GENETICS WORKS.
You cannot take two dogs, combine their reproductive organs, and assume the resulting puppies have been magically vaccinated against hereditary disease by the fu***ng genetics fairy.
🧬 CHAPTER THREE: A DOODLE IS NOT AN ESTABLISHED BREED, MARION.
Let’s get something straight.
A Goldendoodle is a Golden Retriever crossed with a Poodle.
A Labradoodle is a Labrador Retriever crossed with a Poodle.
A Bernedoodle is a Bernese Mountain Dog crossed with a Poodle.
And a Sheepadoodle is an Old English Sheepdog crossed with a Poodle.
THEY ARE OVERPRICED MUTTS, NOT INDIVIDUALLY RECOGNIZED AKC BREEDS.
Now, before someone starts waving a registration certificate around like they’ve just discovered the Declaration of Independence, registration with a designer dog registry is NOT the same as recognition as an established breed by a major kennel club.
Established breeds generally have written standards describing expected physical characteristics, and responsible breed communities also develop health-testing recommendations and breeding goals.
Doodle crosses lack the consistency and established oversight associated with long-recognized breeds.
And here’s the important part.
JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN BREED TWO DOGS TOGETHER DOESN’T MEAN YOU SHOULD.
There are people making serious efforts to develop consistent, health-tested Poodle crosses.
But calling something a “rare designer breed” doesn’t magically establish a predictable temperament, a reliable coat, or a responsible breeding program.
Ethical breeding requires documented health testing, careful selection for temperament, knowledge of pedigrees, appropriate puppy raising, and lifetime responsibility for the dogs produced.
Not a page, a Canva logo, and two unaltered dogs named Biscuit and Princess.
THAT’S NOT A BREEDING PROGRAM. THAT’S A FU***NG SIDE HUSTLE WITH A WHELPING BOX.
🚨 CHAPTER FOUR: BACKYARD BREEDERS HAVE ENTERED THE CHAT.
Doodles have become one of the most commercially exploited types of “designer” mutts.
Their popularity has created a gigantic market for backyard breeders, puppy mills, and people whose primary qualification for producing puppies is owning a uterus-equipped dog.
And the advertising?
OH, THE ADVERTISING.
“RARE PHANTOM MERLE MICRO MINI TEDDY BEAR GOLDEN MOUNTAIN AUSSIE BERNEDOODLE!”
WHAT IN THE WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM IS THAT?
Is it a dog?
Is it a limited-edition Pokémon?
Does it come with a birth certificate or a fu***ng certificate of authenticity?
And let’s talk about the obsession with color.
Some breeders market unusual colors as though they’re selling rare gemstones.
“EXCLUSIVE COLORING!”
“ULTRA RARE!”
“PREMIUM BLOODLINE!”
Meanwhile, nobody can produce proper orthopedic testing, eye examinations, or breed-relevant genetic screening for the parents.
BUT LOOK, EVERYONE!
THE PUPPY IS THE COLOR OF A CARAMEL MACCHIATO!
WHO GIVES A S**T IF THE BREEDER CAN’T EXPLAIN THE HEALTH HISTORY?
IT MATCHES THE LIVING ROOM.
THIS IS THE PROBLEM.
When profit and appearance become more important than health and temperament, dogs suffer.
And when those dogs develop expensive medical conditions or serious behavioral problems?
Guess who frequently gets stuck cleaning up the mess?
RESCUES. SHELTERS. TRAINERS. AND THE POOR FU***NG DOGS THEMSELVES.
🧠 CHAPTER FIVE: YOUR DOODLE MIGHT BE A GENIUS. IT MIGHT ALSO NEED AN EXORCIST.
Let’s talk about temperament.
Because this is where people really start losing their marbles.
Poodles are intelligent, active dogs with a history of working and retrieving.
Golden Retrievers and Labrador Retrievers were also developed for demanding work.
Bernese Mountain Dogs have their own working heritage and temperament characteristics.
You cannot combine these breeds and automatically expect a calm, low-energy, emotionally stable stuffed animal that sleeps eighteen hours a day and politely greets the mailman.
THAT’S NOT A BREEDING GOAL. THAT’S A HALLUCINATION.
Some doodles are absolutely incredible.
Confident.
Friendly.
Trainable.
Social.
Wonderful with children.
Fantastic family dogs.
And then there are doodles who are so overstimulated they look like they’re receiving emergency instructions from a satellite orbiting Jupiter.
Some struggle with anxiety, separation-related distress, reactivity, excessive arousal, mouthiness, or frustration tolerance.
And NO, that does not mean every doodle has behavioral issues or that doodles are inherently unstable.
But poor breeding decisions, inappropriate matches between parent dogs, inadequate socialization, and unrealistic owner expectations can create some serious problems.
And here’s another thing.
SMART DOES NOT MEAN EASY.
A highly intelligent dog without appropriate mental stimulation and structure can become an absolute menace.
Congratulations.
Your dog learned to sit in seven minutes.
It also learned to open the refrigerator, remove the butter, and redecorate your living room with a $900 couch cushion.
And when people purchase these dogs believing they’re getting a naturally calm, low-maintenance family pet?
SURPRISE, MOTHERF**KER.
YOU BOUGHT A WORKING-DOG GENETIC LOTTERY TICKET.
✂️ CHAPTER SIX: YOUR $4,000 TEDDY BEAR HAS A $1,500 HAIR APPOINTMENT HABIT.
OH, THIS ONE.
THIS ONE RIGHT HERE.
The number of people who purchase doodles because they’re supposedly “hypoallergenic and low maintenance” is absolutely astonishing.
First of all:
NO DOG IS GUARANTEED TO BE HYPOALLERGENIC.
And not every doodle inherits a non-shedding coat.
Some shed considerably.
Some barely shed.
Some have curly coats.
Some have wavy coats.
Some have coats that seem to have been designed by an angry upholstery manufacturer.
And many require a LOT of maintenance.
Depending on the coat, you’re looking at brushing and combing several times a week, sometimes DAILY.
Professional grooming is commonly needed approximately every four to eight weeks.
And that can cost a substantial amount of money over the dog’s lifetime.
We’re talking potentially hundreds to thousands of dollars per year.
AND IF YOU DON’T MAINTAIN THE COAT?
MATTING.
Not just a few cute little tangles.
We’re talking painful mats that pull against the skin, restrict movement, trap moisture, and can conceal serious skin problems.
And then people take their severely matted dog to the groomer and become ENRAGED when the groomer has to shave it.
“WHY DOES BELLA LOOK LIKE THAT?!”
BECAUSE BELLA HASN’T SEEN A FU***NG COMB SINCE THE BIDEN ADMINISTRATION.
WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?
A MIRACLE?
The groomer isn’t a wizard.
They cannot transform six months of neglect into a perfectly sculpted teddy bear using positive thinking and a bottle of detangling spray.
And the groomer is NOT the villain for shaving a painfully matted dog.
THE DOG’S COMFORT COMES BEFORE YOUR FU***NG AESTHETIC.
🏥 CHAPTER SEVEN: MIXED DOES NOT AUTOMATICALLY MEAN HEALTHY.
Another popular marketing claim is that doodles are automatically healthier because they’re mixed breeds.
Let’s clear this up.
Crossbreeding can sometimes provide genetic benefits, but it does NOT automatically eliminate hereditary disease.
Depending on the parent breeds, doodles can be at risk for conditions involving hips, elbows, eyes, hearts, and various inherited disorders.
Some conditions can affect BOTH parent breeds.
And if both parents carry the same harmful recessive mutation, their puppies may still be at risk.
A responsible breeder should be able to show you the actual, verifiable health-testing results for the parent dogs.
NOT:
“The vet said they’re healthy!”
NOT:
“They’ve never been sick!”
AND DEFINITELY NOT:
“Both parents are very loving and enjoy playing fetch!”
THAT IS NOT HEALTH TESTING, MICHELE.
THAT IS A FU***NG PERSONALITY DESCRIPTION.
And a basic DNA panel alone does not replace orthopedic evaluations, eye examinations, and other appropriate screening.
If someone is charging you $4,500 for a puppy, they should be able to produce more documentation than a used lawnmower salesman.
🐕 CHAPTER EIGHT: ETHICAL BREEDING? WHERE THE F**K ARE THE STANDARDS?
OH, THIS SHOULD GO OVER BEAUTIFULLY.
Let’s talk about the phrase “ETHICALLY BRED DOODLE.”
Because we have some FU***NG QUESTIONS.
When we talk about ethical breeding, we’re talking about breeding dogs with a clearly defined purpose, established goals, comprehensive health testing, stable temperaments, sound structure, and accountability for future generations.
Not simply producing puppies because people are willing to pay $5,000 for something that resembles a stuffed animal from the clearance aisle at Build-A-Bear.
WHERE IS THE CONSISTENT BREED STANDARD?
WHERE ARE THE ESTABLISHED TEMPERAMENT EXPECTATIONS?
WHERE ARE THE UNIFORMLY FOLLOWED HEALTH-TESTING REQUIREMENTS?
AND WHO THE F**K IS HOLDING THESE BREEDERS ACCOUNTABLE?
NO DOODLE VARIETIES ARE RECOGNIZED AS INDIVIDUAL BREEDS BY MAJOR KENNEL CLUBS SUCH AS THE AMERICAN KENNEL CLUB.
Not Goldendoodles.
Not Labradoodles.
Not Bernedoodles.
Not any of the other designer Poodle crosses.
And while kennel club recognition alone doesn’t determine whether a breeder is ethical, the absence of established, consistently followed breed standards for health, structure, and temperament raises some VERY legitimate fu***ng questions.
Because here’s our position at STAB Rescue:
WE DO NOT CONSIDER PRODUCING “DESIGNER” CROSSBREED LITTERS FOR APPEARANCE, POPULARITY, AND PROFIT TO BE ETHICAL BREEDING.
And no, slapping the words “health tested” on your website does not automatically change that.
You can health test two parent dogs.
You can evaluate their temperaments.
You can give the puppies excellent early socialization.
Those are important responsibilities, but they do not magically establish a consistent breed standard or guarantee predictable offspring.
YOU CANNOT SELL CONSISTENCY THAT YOU HAVEN’T ACTUALLY ESTABLISHED.
And the argument that “my doodle breeder is ethical because she loves her dogs” is going to send us directly into cardiac arrest.
MA’AM.
WE WOULD CERTAINLY FU***NG HOPE SHE LOVES HER DOGS.
THAT IS NOT AN ACHIEVEMENT.
THAT IS THE BARE MINIMUM REQUIRED TO BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING.
A fancy website doesn’t establish a breed standard.
A waiting list doesn’t establish a breed standard.
A $5,000 price tag doesn’t establish a breed standard.
And naming your breeding program “Royal Majestic Heavenly Fluffington Doodles of the Carolinas” doesn’t mean you’ve made a meaningful contribution to canine genetics.
IT MEANS YOU HAVE A BUSINESS NAME AND ACCESS TO REPRODUCTIVE ORGANS.
And before somebody starts screaming that all purebred breeders are ethical, ABSOLUTELY FU***NG NOT.
There are plenty of irresponsible purebred breeders too.
A pedigree doesn’t excuse poor health testing, unstable temperament, or breeding dogs with serious structural problems.
But at least with an established breed, there is a documented standard against which breeding goals can be evaluated.
OUR POSITION IS SIMPLE: IF YOU’RE GOING TO DELIBERATELY PRODUCE MORE DOGS, YOU SHOULD HAVE A CLEAR PURPOSE, MEASURABLE HEALTH AND TEMPERAMENT GOALS, AND A LONG-TERM PLAN FOR EVERY LIFE YOU CREATE.
Not just a cute name, a curly coat, and a customer willing to refinance their fu***ng refrigerator.
And if your entire breeding philosophy revolves around what color puppies will sell for the most money?
CONGRATULATIONS. YOU’RE NOT IMPROVING DOGS. YOU’RE RUNNING A FUR-COVERED CASH REGISTER.
📢 CHAPTER NINE: BEFORE YOU BUY A DOODLE, USE THE ORGAN BETWEEN YOUR EARS.
If you want a doodle, fine.
But do your research.
Ask for verifiable health testing on BOTH parents.
Meet the parents when possible, especially the mother.
Ask about temperament.
Ask about early socialization.
Ask what the breeder does if an owner can no longer keep the dog.
Ask about grooming costs.
Ask about exercise requirements.
Ask about inherited medical risks.
And PLEASE stop believing that a dog is automatically superior because someone invented a cute name for its genetic combination.
Also, here’s a revolutionary concept.
YOU CAN ADOPT A DOODLE.
Yes.
They end up in rescues and shelters too.
Sometimes because people underestimated their energy.
Sometimes because of grooming expenses.
Sometimes because of behavioral challenges.
Sometimes because their owners simply couldn’t keep them.
And sometimes through absolutely no fault of their own.
Because, once again, these are DOGS.
Not expensive accessories.
Not Instagram props.
Not living teddy bears.
DOGS.
💥 FINAL THOUGHTS BEFORE THE COMMENT SECTION BECOMES A FEDERAL DISASTER AREA.
Let’s summarize.
The modern Labradoodle was originally developed with a legitimate purpose.
Its creator went on to publicly regret what the designer dog industry became.
Doodles are mixed-breed dogs, not recognized as individual breeds by major kennel clubs such as the AKC.
They are often sold at outrageous prices.
Their coats, size, health, and temperament are not guaranteed simply because someone calls them designer dogs.
Many require expensive, lifelong grooming.
Irresponsible breeding is a serious problem.
And yes, some doodles have significant behavioral challenges.
BUT THERE ARE ALSO PLENTY OF ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC DOODLES.
We are not blaming the dogs.
We’re blaming the people who treat breeding like a get-rich-quick scheme.
Because somewhere along the way, people decided a dog with curly hair was worth five grand, but proper health testing was apparently an optional fu***ng subscription service.
And THAT is what needs to change.
If you own a doodle and your dog is wonderful, WE LOVE THAT FOR YOU.
Seriously.
Give that fluffy bastard a kiss from us.
But if you’re a breeder producing litter after litter without proper health testing, temperament evaluation, and lifelong responsibility for your puppies?
WE HOPE THIS POST MAKES YOU SO UNCOMFORTABLE YOU HAVE TO RECONSIDER YOUR ENTIRE FU***NG BUSINESS MODEL.
And if you’re about to spend $5,000 on a puppy because the breeder says it’s a “rare ultra-premium micro-mini double-merle chocolate phantom unicorn doodle”…
PLEASE.
FOR THE LOVE OF DOG.
ASK FOR THE HEALTH TESTING.
And maybe check your local rescue before financing a fu***ng throw pillow with separation anxiety.
HAPPY S**T YOU SHOULD KNOW SUNDAY, EVERYONE.
We look forward to reading the 900 comments explaining why someone’s doodle is the exception to everything we just said.
We believe you, Brittany.
Bentley is magnificent.
Now go brush him.
🧡🖤STAB RESCUE 🐾
WE DON’T FEAR THE BREED. WE FIGHT THE STIGMA. AND APPARENTLY, TODAY WE’RE ALSO FIGHTING THE ENTIRE “DESIGNER” DOG INDUSTRY.
