11/02/2026
ISO: A QUARTER HORSE. AN ACTUAL, HONEST-TO-GOODNESS QUARTER HORSE!
Apparently, horse shopping requires the patience of a saint, the investigative skills of the FBI, and possibly a prescription for anxiety medication. So here we go!
I’m helping one of my best friends find her next horse. And because I actually LIKE this friend, I’d prefer to find her something that doesn’t attempt to launch her into the next county.
WE ARE LOOKING FOR A SAFE, SANE, SOLID QUARTER HORSE!
And before anybody gets creative, when I say QUARTER HORSE, I mean QUARTER HORSE.
Not half Arabian. Not Azteca. Not Thoroughbred cross. Not 12% Quarter Horse according to Ancestry.com. Not a horse whose great-grandfather once dated a Quarter Horse.
A. QUARTER. HORSE.
Now, here’s the shopping list before somebody sends me a picture of a llama.
BREED: Quarter Horse! Grade is absolutely fine. AQHA registered? Fantastic! Papers aren’t everything, but knowing what breed you’re selling would be a great start.
S*X: Mare strongly preferred! Might consider a gelding if he’s exceptional. And no, “he’s only bucked twice this year” is NOT a convincing sales pitch.
AGE: 16 or younger! I already run what feels like an equine retirement community. We’re looking for a riding horse, not another recipient of Social Security benefits.
HEIGHT: 14.3 hands MINIMUM. We’re looking for a horse, not something that could double as a large Labrador.
BUDGET: $10,000 MAXIMUM! And let me clarify something here. Just because the budget goes to $10,000 does NOT mean your $3,500 horse magically becomes worth $10,000!
If you’re asking TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS, that horse better be worth EVERY PENNY. I’m talking safe, seasoned, well-trained, traffic-proof, drama-free, and preferably capable of saddling itself, doing our taxes, and making dinner.
LESS IS ALWAYS BETTER! We love a bargain almost as much as we love staying in the saddle.
TEMPERAMENT: SAFE. SANE. SOLID.
I don’t want a prospect for her. I don’t want a project. I don’t want something that “just needs a few wet saddle pads.”
And PLEASE spare me the classics:
* “He’s great once you get past the first 20 minutes.”
* “She only bucks when she’s fresh.”
* “He’s never done that before!”
* “She just needs a confident rider.”
* “He hasn’t been ridden in three years, but he was amazing back then!”
My friend is looking for a horse to ENJOY, not an opportunity to meet the emergency room staff on a first-name basis.
PLEASE SEND: Current photos, riding videos, age, height, location, and asking price.
And PLEASE, for the love of all things holy, don’t send me a horse that meets absolutely NONE of these requirements and then tell me, “I know it’s not what you’re looking for, BUT…”
There is no BUT. That’s why I wrote the requirements.
May the horse-shopping gods bless my best friend with a unicorn disguised as a Quarter Horse, a reasonable price tag, and a seller who actually reads the entire post!
Because if I have to sort through 47 Arab crosses, 12 unstarted c**ts, and a 28-year-old gelding named Lightning, I’m going to need a vacation.
