12/05/2026
❤️❤️❤️
Dear fellow kittens,
It is very important that we properly care for our humans. Especially the Snack Human. The Snack Human controls the wet food, crunchy food, treats, yogurt lids, cheese tax, and mysterious chicken smells coming from the kitchen. If the Snack Human is not properly maintained, food production may decrease. This is unacceptable.
Here are some helpful caregiving techniques I personally recommend:
• Light ankle nipping
This reminds the humans to stay alert and focused. They wander mentally very easily. Sometimes they stare at glowing rectangles for hours instead of opening snack containers.
• Tiny surprise scratches during cuddle time
This keeps their reflexes sharp. We are basically personal trainers if you think about it.
• Midnight zoomies across the house
Humans need cardiovascular exercise too. If they wake suddenly at 3:17 a.m. because you launched yourself off the couch like a furry missile, their heart is getting stronger. You're welcome.
• Sitting directly on keyboards
This prevents the humans from overworking themselves. Work-life balance matters.
• Screaming outside the bathroom door
Humans should never be left unsupervised near water. Safety first.
• Knocking objects off tables
This teaches humans valuable lessons about gravity, reaction time, and emotional resilience.
• Staring at them silently from across the room
This is emotional support. The humans don't understand it yet, but it is.
And finally, always remember to sleep on the Snack Human whenever possible. This increases bonding and reminds her that she is loved, appreciated, and legally required to continue feeding us forever.
Love,
Snowball
Human Care Specialist
