06/19/2026
Alright. The time has come.
After years of speculation, outrage, and Facebook comment sections, I’m finally ready to reveal…
✨ The Gay Agenda ✨
Today’s objectives include:
☕ Acquiring an iced coffee.
☕ Forgetting where I put the iced coffee.
☕ Finding the iced coffee.
☕ Walking into a room and immediately forgetting why I went in there.
🐕 Convincing a doodle that the blow dryer is not, in fact, a government conspiracy.
👶 Convincing my toddler that rocks are not food.
👶 Convincing my toddler that dog kibble is also not food.
👶 Losing that argument.
📱 Answering one text message and somehow creating six more tasks for myself.
💸 Paying taxes.
🧺 Wondering if the dishes in the dishwasher are clean or dirty.
🏳️🌈 Existing in public.
That’s the one people seem most upset about.
Every Pride Month we’re told there’s a secret agenda. A plan. A movement. A plot.
Friend, I can barely remember why I walked into the kitchen.
The overwhelming majority of q***r people are just trying to do the same things everyone else is doing:
Love our people.
Raise our families.
Pay our bills.
Walk our dogs.
Drink our iced coffee.
And occasionally convince a tiny human not to eat landscaping materials.
The “agenda” was never world domination.
It was being allowed to exist openly enough that nobody needed an agenda in the first place.
Happy Pride, friends. May your coffee stay cold, your toddler stay out of the gravel, and your existence never require an explanation. 🌈