27/08/2025
Well, I made it. Last full day before some actual “time off”
And let me tell you, the dogs knew. They smelled weakness. They saw my spirit hanging on by a thread and thought, “Let’s f*ing ruin her.”
Got out the van, chirpy, ready for a lovely tour of the fields of Wychavon aaaand my back went. Not gently, not politely. Nope, it screamed, “F*** you, sit down, you’re done.” I’m now walking like Quasimodo with all the dogs taking their morning dumps and it’s 9.03am
After covering 0.2 seconds of the walk, the inevitable happens so I pull out a bag like the pro I am, slipped it over my hand, went in for the classic scoop—straight through the b*stard. Warmth. Actual warmth on my palm. That’s the moment you start to question all your life choices.
Things are going swimmingly, it’s Wednesday. It’s usually f**king carnage but for once it’s calm. The spaniels are playing nicely- the pictures are great, portrait mode is ON. 📸
I look up, Indie the German Shepherd decides she’s running the f***ing Olympics. Full sprint. Into Robs leg. His ankle rolls like a bad bowling ball, the language is more colourful than a pride flag 🏳️🌈 I try not to laugh, after all it’s been a month since Teddy knocked me off my feet swelling my ankle like it belongs on an elephant. 🤭
I should have known - It’s festival weekend and DPD have delivered the contents of a T-shirt printing factory to my front doorstep. Perfect.
After lugging the equivalent of a transit van full of stock into the house, I start to unpack. We turn around to find my spaniel has packed himself into a cardboard box. Lid half closed. Ready to ship himself to Amazon Prime for the weekend. Honestly, I don’t blame him.
So cheers to my last day before freedom. My back’s buggered, my hand smells faintly of turd, the other half is suffering from hanger & an enlarged ankle and my dog is apparently DHL-ready.
Happy f***ing weekend 😂🙌🏻
P.S this is a reminder, I’m off until Tuesday 😬✌🏼 Don’t try calling- I’ll be too busy singing to The Waterboys at whilst selling merch like I’m Delboy 🫠✌🏼