05/31/2026
Oh no everyone. I'm so upset.
The Freedom 250 concert is in danger of being cancelled.
Just yesterday, I sat my son on my lap, gathered the family around the fireplace, and told them all how there was no better way to celebrate 250 years of America than Milli Vanilli, and Vanilla Ice.
Vanilla is usually what Lindsey Graham calls Marco Rubio when he doesn't want to climb into bed with Matt Gaetz and Kristi Noem's husband.
Fear not! The Fanta Fuhrer has a solution. We don't need one-hit wonders from the 90s.
No, what we need to celebrate this country is a Trump Rally.
Remember MAGA? I know Trump's approval rating is in the toilet, but that BIG POWERFUL movement is still capable of spending 30 million dollars to take out Thomas Massie in the ruralest part of Kentucky.
Who wouldn't love spending America's birthday watching a senile man do his famous YMCA dance, which looks like he's rubbing two behemoths to completion.
The magic just spurts out.
He can't keep his name on the Kennedy Center. He can't get has-been artists from 35 years ago to play at his Freedom Concert.
Congress approved America 250 events, ten years ago. Unlike this assembly of the Temu Fourth Reich, that was supposed to be non-partisan.
But he can't live with anything that isn't about himself.
And let's face it, MAGA's last party at the Capitol was kind of a mess.
So they're left with nothing besides the same old rally that we've all heard for ten years, from a president who has no office left to run for. He needs those rallies, because he's nothing without attention.
He's nothing without his supporters' lips on his rosebud, assuring him that he's a tough guy as his neck l***a cedes territory to the rash.
Freedom 250 was always going to be a bust. The right can't make art.
Art requires empathy. Art requires a soul. Politics used to kind of, almost be the same way. Scandals used to actually matter, until the illegitimate Supreme Court opened the floodgates to billions of dollars of dark money.
Somehow other countries manage freedom. They have elections, with normal political parties and normal amounts of money to spend on campaigns.
But we don't have that. We have a senile old man rambling to his waning sliver of the electorate, a party that has to cheat because they know that America doesn't want this garbage.
Perhaps it's fitting that he's doing the rally instead of the washed up musicians. America needs to take a long, hard look into the mirror once he's gone.
But until then, let him keep slobbering all over the country, a fitting reminder that 250 years in, we have nothing to celebrate here.
One day, we'll all crack open that bottle of champagne we've been saving. We'll come together, and celebrate as one, that thing we're all waiting for.
Taking a look at his mug, all I can say is, it won't be long now.
