08/29/2026
Please be social and like people but not too social because jumping up is rude.
Please be energetic and want to go on walks with me but be able to calm down immediately afterwards.
Please be protective of me when I need it but not all the time.
Please tell me when someone is arriving or coming to the house but then calm down immediately so you don’t embarrass me.
Please hold your bathroom needs until I am able to let you out, even if that’s for hours, and make sure you only use this area.
Please be so loyal and devoted to me but not be anxious when I leave or am gone.
Please be playful but only when I want to as well and never play too rough.
Please be independent but immediately return to me if I need you.
Please ignore thousands of years of natural instincts because we live inside now.
Please let me touch your stuff and your body and your food at any given moment and not have a problem with it.
Please be okay with confinement and not be loud or get bored.
Please spend my work day relaxing but then walk politely on a 6 foot leash with me when we do go outside.
Please accept these human made substitutions for enrichment as just as good as the real thing.
Please save your chewing, shredding, digging and other outdoor behaviors only for items and areas that I designate and at times convenient to me.
Please get along with other dogs, even if they are pushy or rude, and never ever hump anything or anyone.
Please watch birds and squirrels and other small animals quietly and not chase them, especially on leash.
Please listen dutifully to me under any and all distractions.
Please eat the same food every day and only show interest in food I offer you in certain contexts, not at any other time.
Please accept these strangers touching and patting you in public because it makes us happy.
Please, do all these things. And you’ll be a “good” dog.
I could go on and on and on. But this is what I see and hear all day. It’s probably the most unfair deal you can imagine between two species, and yet you know what? They still try. Despite us humans not being okay with over HALF of the demands and expectations we put on them, they still try. We don’t deserve them, so we should learn to treat them as such.
- Helen St. Pierre