05/23/2025
Great read, especially for clients that have dogs with BIG feelings 😅
“They’re not trying to give you a hard time. They are having a hard time.”
We expect dogs to live in our world like they were born understanding it.
Like they instinctively know how to behave in restaurants, tolerate strangers, ignore fireworks, and be perfectly fine home alone for hours.
But the reality is they weren’t built for this world. And we’re asking too much of them.
We want them to be quiet but social. Affectionate but not needy. Independent but always obedient. We treat them like little machines, not sentient beings with their own needs, fears, and preferences.
And when they don’t meet those made-up standards?
We accuse them of being dominant. Or of being broken and needing fixing.
We slap a shock collar on them. Or, if we’re well-intentioned, we pull out the treat bag and spend hours teaching them to walk perfectly at heel, when maybe they just want to sniff a tree and avoid the place that scares them.
But what if they’re not broken? What if they’re just… being dogs?
Dogs who get overwhelmed. Dogs who panic when left alone - not because they’re being difficult, but because they’re afraid. Dogs who say “no thank you” to loud parks, crowded streets, or being hugged by strangers.
They’re not giving us a hard time. They’re having a hard time.
So I don’t want a perfect dog. I want a dog who feels heard. Who can choose what feels safe. Who knows that “I’m scared” won’t be punished. A dog who can say no to things that overwhelms them.
Here’s what doesn’t help:
“You’re letting them get away with it.”
“She has to learn to deal with it.”
“You’re making it worse by babying him.”
“He’s manipulating you.”
Here’s what does help:
Slowing down instead of pushing through
Giving them choice whenever you can
Letting them opt out of things that scare them
Understanding that fear isn’t misbehaviour - it’s fear
Because the more we push dogs to be perfect, the more we disconnect from who they truly are.
They don’t need to be perfect. They need to be understood.
📣 If this speaks to you, share it with someone who needs to hear it. Let’s give our dogs the grace we wish the world gave us.