11/09/2025
I’m just like really proud of this one so I’m sharing here again
I crack myself up! I snorted at work while writing this up 😂
 🦅 Why Your Favorite Animal Is TRASH: Bald Eagle Edition 🗑️
Ohhh America’s majestic freedom bird… the poster child of patriotism… the feathered symbol of bravery, honor, and democracy 🇺🇸
Yeah. About that…. Buckle up, it’s gonna get feral 😂
- Their iconic scream?
You know that fierce KREEEEEEEEEEE sound Hollywood uses every time an eagle flies by?
Not them 🙃
That’s a red-tailed hawk.
A bald eagle’s real call sounds like a seagull that just discovered sadness and ni****ne addiction. Go Google it. It’s embarrassing.
- “Mighty hunter”? Try professional dumpster diver.
Bald eagles will absolutely steal food from other animals, rummage carcasses, and pick up roadkill like a feathery raccoon with a federal job.
They’re not soaring through the sky catching salmon in slow-motion with heroic orchestra music.
They’re like, “Oh score, free dead stuff.”
In Alaska? They’re basically pigeons with a better PR team.
Locals literally have to shoo them off dumpsters, fishing docks, and parking lots.
Tourists are out here whispering “wow… nature is beautiful,” while an eagle is behind them trying to steal a child’s hotdog.
- We only worship them because of propaganda.
In the 1700s, Congress needed a bird to slap on a flag and go “LOOK HOW POWERFUL WE ARE.”
They picked the eagle because it looked cool — not because it was noble, brave, or morally aligned with democracy.
Benjamin Franklin straight-up wanted the turkey, which honestly would’ve been way more accurate.
* Other dishonorable mentions:
- They sn**ch food from Ospreys like school bullies stealing lunch money
- They lose half their battles with crows. CROWS.
- They molt and look like sad, patchy rotisserie chickens halfway through the fryer cycle
- They mate while free-falling through the sky like drunk skydivers tying shoelaces mid-plummet
🦅 BUT… here’s the one good thing:
Even with all their trash behavior, bald eagles made a massive comeback from near extinction, and that’s honestly metal.
So yeah, they’re messy, dramatic, and way overhyped… but at least they proved nature can bounce back when we stop being terrible for five seconds.
