12/29/2025
🎉 VM Vet Clinic 2025 Recap: The Numbers They Don’t Teach in Vet School 🎉
Peer-reviewed by vibes, trauma, and caffeine.
📊 2025 By The (Very Real) Numbers:
• 🐕 487 a**l glands expressed
87% were “fine at home.”
• 💩 288 floor-pooping incidents
212 occurred mid-sentence while the owner said, “He won’t do that.”
• 💥 119 abscesses popped
13 of which unlocked new core memories.
• 🧹 164 “we JUST mopped” situations
Science cannot explain this phenomenon.
• 🧤 Thousands of gloves used
Yet somehow… always out of the size you need.
• ☎️ 903 calls that started with:
“I know you’re busy but—”
• 🩺 76 patients listed as “dramatic”
Medical term. Trust us.
• 🐄 41 livestock emergencies
37 happened after hours. As tradition demands.
🔄 27 prolapses
None scheduled. All urgent. Zero dignity preserved.
• 🦷 14 cases of lump jaw
Every single one discovered by accident.
• 🤧 83 “just allergies” upper respiratory cases
78 were not allergies.
• 🎀 19 mammary tumors
Found during baths, belly rubs, or “while we were here…”
• 👁️ 111 cross-eyed patients
Born that way. Judged lovingly.
• 👂 7 one-eared legends
All tougher than the rest of us.
• 🦠 64 “it smells weird” complaints
100% correct.
• 🐕 39 dogs presented for limping
32 immediately ran laps in the parking lot.
• 🐄 22 livestock calls that started with “this might be nothing but…”
It wasn’t dumb. It was bad.
• 🩸 18 things we wish we hadn’t Googled afterward
• 🧠 Countless moments of professional silence
You know the ones.
• “He’s never done that before” — said 214 times
• “It just happened” — statistically impossible
• “Can you just look real quick?” — triggering phrase
• “She’s usually really sweet” — ominous
• “He doesn’t bite” — historically inaccurate
👏 Clinic MVPs (Survivors Edition):
🐾 Alexis & Ella
Techs, chaos coordinators, bodily-fluid managers, and the reason the clinic is still standing.
🎤 KK – Head of Entertainment & Emotional Support Comedian
Providing jokes, sarcasm, and morale when the floor had been pooped on again.
🩺 Dr. Cassi — Ring Leader, Chaos Coordinator, Head Problem Solver
Leading the circus with unmatched grit, caffeine, and a stethoscope, Dr. Cassi somehow manages emergencies, clients, critters, and controlled chaos all at once. Whether it’s a prolapse at dawn, an abscess at lunch, or a “real quick question” after hours, she’s the calm in the storm — even when the storm bites, poops, or kicks.
Equal parts medical mastermind and ringleader, No two days are the same, but somehow everything gets handled… eventually… with skill, grit, and patience during the storm!
👨👩👧👦 Our family & behind-the-scenes crew
Jumping in without being asked, holding gates, answering phones, and saving the day like it’s casual.
🤝 Everyone who stepped in, filled in, stayed late, or said “I got it”
You are the glue. Possibly duct tape. Either way, we appreciate you.
💙 To our clients: thank you for trusting us with your animals, your emergencies, your “it just happened” stories, and your honesty after we already knew the truth.
We’ll be back soon — caffeinated, rehydrated, and emotionally prepared for 2026.