06/26/2025
Honestly, if I had a nickel for every time I saw, “Help! My Belgian Malinois is acting insane!” I’d be retired, sipping coffee, and living off royalties from a book called “Nipped, Whipped, and Emotionally Unequipped.”
Every day, the parade of shocked owners rolls in:
“My Mali is nipping people.”
“My Mali chews on everything.”
“My Mali chases my toddler.”
“My Mali wants to bite everything.”
“My Mali spins in circles.”
“My Mali is so needy and whines when left alone.”
If I didn’t know better, I’d think some people believed ‘working dog’ meant their Malinois was going to type up their emails and bring them a latte. Spoiler alert: He’s more likely to eat your laptop and herd your toddler into the laundry basket.
Here’s the reality. Your Malinois isn’t broken. He’s not a lemon. You just brought home a dog with the energy of a squirrel on Red Bull and the hobbies of a bored velociraptor. Congratulations.
Malinois Are Not Golden Retrievers:
Belgian Malinois were bred to work. Not to “work” as in stare at you while you take selfies. Actual work. Herding. Chasing down suspects. Saving your life or, you know, destroying your couch with the enthusiasm of a teenager left home alone with a pizza and your credit card.
These dogs are faster than your reflexes, smarter than your last three bosses, and they wake up every day looking for a challenge. If you don’t give them one, they’ll invent it. And trust me, their idea of fun is not going to match yours.
Those “Problems” Are Instincts:
But let’s keep pretending these are “problems”…
“My Mali is nipping people.”
Right. And the sun is hot. Next question. You bought a dog literally created to control large animals by biting, a Ferrari that you’re handling like a tricycle. And you’re surprised he’s trying to herd your in-laws?
“My Mali is chewing everything.”
Bored Malinois plus unsupervised time equals your personal belongings becoming modern art. Put the shoes up. Or don’t, and start a new trend in custom footwear.
“My Mali chases my kids or other pets.”
That’s what happens when you bring home a herder. If it moves, it gets rounded up. If you wanted chill, you should have gone with a goldfish.
“My Mali is hyper and won’t calm down.”
That’s not hyper. That’s factory settings. You adopted a four-legged athlete on rocket fuel. If you wanted a lap dog, there are literally hundreds of other breeds who would love to nap on your sofa and eat snacks.
“My Mali whines when left alone and follows me everywhere.”
He’s not needy. He’s just checking if you’re finally going to do something interesting. They bond hard, follow you from room to room, and might even offer commentary if you try to p*e alone. It’s called “Velcro dog” for a reason.
It’s Not the Dog’s Fault:
Here’s the part that burns: the dog always pays for human mistakes. They get labeled “aggressive,” “crazy,” or “unmanageable” and wind up dumped or worse. It’s not the Malinois that’s the problem. It’s the research that never happened.
Do Your Homework For Dog’s Sake:
Thinking about a Malinois?
Here’s your homework: watch videos of them working. Then ask yourself, “Do I want to live with that in my house every single day?” If you’re already in over your head, drop the ego and call someone who knows what they’re doing. Your dog will thank you. So will your shoes.
Set Your Malinois Up For Success:
Let’s keep it simple.
- Train. Every day.
- Exercise. Until you’re tired. Then double it.
- Mental work. If you don’t challenge their brain, they’ll use it against you…obedience, scent detection, agility, bitework, anything that makes them think.
- Boundaries. Structure. Consistency. Yes, really.
- Give them a job, or they’ll find one. Usually, it involves destruction.
If all this sounds like too much work, that’s because it is. Malinois are for people who want a second full-time job.
Final Thoughts:
If you want a dog who just looks cool in your selfies and lounges while you watch TV, Amazon sells stuffed animals. If you want a partner who will run circles around you (literally and mentally), welcome to the Malinois club.
If you’re not ready for chaos, commitment, and a dog who will call you out for being lazy, maybe consider a plant.
But remember: your Malinois isn’t broken. He’s just exactly what you ordered whether you knew it or not.
