08/30/2026
Grief. I deal with this a lot in my life...both in my work helping families through pet loss and in my personal life dealing with chronic illness and the loss of the strong person I once was. These things may seem very different and unrelated…but they actually have a lot in common.
Many people don't understand that pet loss can be just as difficult as losing a human loved one. Why? Because our pets love unconditionally. They don't care if we are in a bad mood...if we are crabby...or if we are crying. They simply sit with us, giving love, and quiet companionship. This is something that is often missing in our human relationships. We are busy and we talk a lot. We listen to music and we watch TV as distractions. We spend a lot of time "doing" and not much time just "being" - and often, when someone is going through a difficult time...what they need is someone just to be present. Not someone who is trying to fix the problem...just someone who is present, saying "I'm here with you - no matter how bad things are." Our pets are good at that...and so we have a strong bond with them. They love us, and we love them. They bring us joy when they prance around and get excited over something that happens predictably every single day. They make us smile when they can't sit still because they're about to get food...or go outside...or spend time with a visitor. They make us feel loved when they want to snuggle, or when they come running the moment we walk through the door. They are a precious gift from God! It is to be expected that we would miss them terribly when their short lives have come to an end. We grieve...we cry...we try to move forward. And some day - maybe in 2 days...or maybe not for 2 years - we are ready to bring another love into our lives. We do so knowing that our hearts will break again in the future...but that all of the joy and love in the meantime will make it worthwhile.
Grief is expected when you lose a loved one. People know that grief will be present…but they don’t truly understand it. They don’t understand grief for a pet. They don’t understand that losing a loved one can result in a cycle of grief that never truly ends. And they don’t expect someone with chronic illness to be grieving. People often think of grief as something for us to move through...and then move on. But what happens when the grief is just too big? Or when the thing that caused the grief is ongoing? What then? So many people are grieving silently. They are going through the motions of life, feeling grief, and not understanding why. The parent who passed away…and the child who keeps cycling through denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance – feeling isolated because they think they should be handling things better. The person who has been struggling with an unknown illness for years…and finally receives a diagnosis – a name for their chronic illness. They feel a sense of relief. But then the anger creeps in…and the cycle of grief begins. I have been through this cycle…and I have come to acceptance. But then the illness changes…it takes another part of your identity…or takes away another physical ability. And then the cycle begins again.
So what can we do to help one another? We need to acknowledge that grief is prevalent…unpredictable…and understandable. We should look out for our friends. Everyone is struggling with something, and could be grieving in silence. What can we do to help them? How can we make their grief go away? We cannot.
But we can take a cue from our pets. We can sit with our loved ones…let them know we are present, even if we have no words to make them feel better. Simply acknowledge that their feelings are real, and that the cycle of grief is difficult and isolating. Do what our pets do – sit with them…give love…quiet companionship…and understanding. Feel joy, and laugh together – celebrate the small things in life that aren’t really so small. And know that we are honoring our friends and our pets in the process.
- by Dr. Dawnetta Woodruff - Hospice Veterinarian (written Feb 2020)
