11/04/2025
Part 4:
So now what? Skipping some very ugly details, I was eventually brought to a place where my husband left me. I was pregnant, had 2 kids already, no drivers licence, no car, no income. Well isn't THIS a fine kettle or really really ROTTEN fish! Yep but the problem was....the real problem.....is that no matter how hurt and angry I was, I still loved him. I still believed God could fix him. Not because my husband was good, but because GOD is good! God is faithful, God hates divorce! I had biblical grounds for divorce. I had all the "rights". He was wrong and I was right. Right? Ha!!! (So I wanted to add as an afterthought that we sought out counseling before he left me. 1 pastor and one secular counselor. After hearing our story, they BOTH refused us stating they were not qualified to help us. Uhhhh.....does that REALLY even happen???!!! lol apparently it does. 😉 To GOD BE THE GLORY!!!
He is gone, not calling except to talk to the kids once per week. I called a lady in the town he was staying (on an island in ALASKA!!) So she could "keep an eye" on him for me. Yes, yes I did do this. She was a sternish but kind woman with a lot of backbone. She would not be pressured or swayed by my strong will. Although I was not a spoiled person per se', I did have some really bratty, self righteous, rebellious, entitled type traits. I was prone to temper tantrums, possible fits of rage ect. when I didn't get my way. Do understand that even though I strongly believed in Jesus, I had no one to ever actually teach me HOW to follow Jesus. I was born out of wedlock to a barely 14 year old girl. I was raised by my single grandmother (her and grandpa were divorcing I think before I was 2) until I was 8. At 8, grandma decided to get married again. Her new husband had already raised his family. So I got to choose which parent and step parent combo I should go live with. Well the saga isn't as simple as that but I ended up with my dad. He was a very harsh man. There was a lot of abuse that took place. Children services removed me after about 2 years. Then there was foster care, then to my moms. After being at my moms for a couple years, I became VERY rebellious. I was preg at 13, and fighting with my mom and her boyfriend regularly. I got shipped back to dads because he could likely handle me better. Yep so I had my baby, my spirit got crushed pretty well. Dad was great at that. Anyhow, I tell you all of this because I believe that we all have lifes experiences that mold and shape us into who we are. This upbringing is just a back story for you to see why I was the way I was to my husband. For one, I didn't trust anyone. No one. But then there was God. I trusted Him the most. But take up my cross and follow him? Whatever does that even mean!? Until next time.......🙂
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