08/11/2026
"m" is for movie
Over the past week between the annual FGIA conference and UAD Regional Qualifier, many people have told me that they have missed seeing my posts about my recovery. I explained to several of them that changes in my medication, along with changes in the dosages, have left me with brain fog and often the inability to concentrate. I was also struggling to find the perfect "m" word.
That changed last night when we watched the movie Soul Surfer the movie based upon professional surfer Bethany Hamilton who suffered an above elbow amputation after being bitten by a shark. I had seen the movie previously, prior to my own traumatic amputation, and I was not expecting to be so overwhelmed by such strong emotions.
While still in the hospital when I wrote "b is for bandages", I mentioned I thought it would have been about blood and how at that time I was not ready to write about that. While I understand it was the magic of Hollywood, when I watched Bethany's character get bitten by the shark and I watched the blood pool around her, I felt a tinge of nausea deep in my stomach. When she is admitted to the hospital the doctor tells her parents she has lost 60% of her blood. I am not sure how much blood I lost that day but I was later told it was a substantial amount requiring a blood transfusion. I remember Carlos telling me when he picked my dogs up from my house the morning after the attack, he took the time to wash off the back of my truck and the grass surrounding it because he did not want my family seeing the carnage. He said it was reminiscent of a murder scene.
I previously believed that I lost consciousness before the deputy and paramedics arrived by my side. While watching the movie last night I realized that was not true. After Bethany's character was bitten by the shark, her best friend's father uses the leash of the surfboard to create a tourniquet. Immediately I felt an intense pain shoot through my "right arm" that was strong enough to make me catch my breath and bring a tear to my eye. It was then I realized, I may have been in and out of semiconscious but I did not truly black out until the tourniquet was applied to my arm and I remember the terse sound in the paramedics voice when he told the deputy it wasn't tight enough and he crank down on it to tighten it further. All the pain I had felt earlier during the "attack" could not have prepared me for that pain and I did not regain consciousness again until I was in the ambulance on the way to the hospital.
All that aside, the most difficult part of the movie for me was watching her struggle with everyday tasks and her family's reactions to her struggles. I feel this every single day as I see the look in the eyes of my friends and family as I continue to struggle with the smallest things. I know at times they want to step in and help but they're not sure when and if it's appropriate. But perhaps my biggest struggle is dealing with the way our relationships have changed and I do not fault them for this, because I have changed both physically and mentally. I struggle to hold conversations because often time I am focused on the phantom pain and I have such brain fog at times it's difficult to be "present." The medication has also caused me to struggle with my memory and I often forget conversations, appointments and commitments. (If it's not written in my calendar there's a 99.9% chance I will forget about it.)
So quick update as to where I am in this journey. Regarding my mental health, over the past 6 months I have had two stellate ganglion blocks performed. This procedure is an outpatient procedure where they place you under twilight anesthesia and inject an anesthetic into the cluster of nerves at the base of the front of your neck using X-ray guidance. This is done to treat PTSD symptoms (including panic attacks) and regional nerve pain. While my panic attacks have lessened, although I am not sure if this is due to the block or a change in dosage to my medication, the phantom pain has remained. I am no longer seeing a mental health therapist. This is due to the fact my health insurance will only cover one therapist in our area and after three appointments with her I realize she was not only not paying attention to anything I was saying she was simply regurgitating things I already knew. I was paying out of pocket for another therapist, but at $500 per month this is no longer an expense I can afford.
On June 23rd I had a revision surgery done to my "stump" to add more fatty tissue to the top of what was left of my humerus bone for increased comfort and a better fit for a prosthetic arm. The surgery was supposed to be an outpatient procedure but I aspirated on the table and was admitted to the hospital. Needless to say it was not a great way to spend my birthday. So for those of you who reached out to wish me happy birthday and I didn't respond, I apologize, I was recovering from surgery and then I forgot to thank you.
Now for the positive, I am still working with a phenomenal prosthetist in hopes to find the perfect arm and possibly funding for the myoelectric arm as insurance will not cover it and vocational rehab will not cover it. I am still painting muzzles on days when I can focus and I must admit my skills have vastly improved to where I once was with my abilities. My sewing speed has increased greatly and I'm getting much quicker making collars. I purchased an industrial sewing machine almost 8 months ago that I still have not conquered but when I do I will be adding to my working/sport dog line with biothane leashes as well as bumpers and tugs. I will be updating both the Working Dog Dry Goods and Kolossal K9 websites with additional products. And later this month I will be holding several raffles on my social media pages to help with medical expenses because they are piling up (see above). I have also added Baby Greer to our pack and she has been absolutely amazing. She is also being trained as my service dog but more on her later.
Enough about me. I recently found out that a very good childhood friend has been diagnosed with stage 4 brain cancer. While she says I am a huge inspiration to her, her ability to remain so positive and keep me laughing has shown her to be an absolute badass. Like me she has found that sharing her story has been very cathartic. So if you get a minute, send some positive mojo, some prayers, and/or good vibes to Theresa. Girl, you've got this 🦾!
Remember be kind and
"m" is for movie 🍿
See you at the Ocala Downtown Market this Saturday August 15th!
