07/18/2025
š¤š¤Black and white is something we always preach when riding. Great quick readš¤š¤
Training Is Not a Democracy: Your Horse Doesnāt Get a Vote
One of the biggest shifts Iāve seen in the horse world over the years is how much people have softened in the wrong direction. Now donāt get me wrong ā Iām all for kindness, for patience, and for empathy. But those things mean very little if they arenāt wrapped in clear leadership. Somewhere along the line, too many people started confusing kindness with permissiveness and leadership with cruelty. Thatās where the wheels fall off. Because hereās the truth:
Training is not a democracy. Your horse doesnāt get a vote.
We are the leaders. And we have to act like it.
Confusing Emotion with Permission
A horse isnāt a dog, and even dogs need structure. But horses? Horses are flight animals. Horses are herd animals. Theyāre hardwired to look for leadership. And if they donāt find it in you, theyāll either fill that role themselves ā which never ends well ā or theyāll become anxious, reactive, or even dangerous. Either way, theyāre not thriving, theyāre surviving.
Somewhere out there, people got this idea that a horse āexpressing itselfā was the same thing as ābeing empowered.ā But when that expression looks like pushing into your space, refusing to move forward, slamming on the brakes at the gate, or throwing a fit about being caught, thatās not empowerment ā thatās insecurity and disrespect. Thatās a lack of clear expectations. Thatās a horse operating in chaos.
And a chaotic horse is a dangerous horse.
The Illusion of Fairness
I know some people mean well. They want to be āfair.ā They want their horse to feel āheard.ā But horses arenāt people. They donāt negotiate. They donāt take turns. They live in a world of black and white ā safe or unsafe, leader or follower, respect or no respect.
If you try to run your training like a democracy ā where every cue is a polite request and every command is up for discussion ā youāre setting that horse up for failure. Because out in the pasture, thatās not how it works. The lead mare doesnāt ask twice. The alpha doesnāt negotiate. Leadership in the horse world is clear, consistent, and sometimes firm ā but itās always fair.
Being fair doesnāt mean weak. It doesnāt mean permissive. It means you set a boundary and you keep it.
Confidence Comes from Clarity
One of the things I say often is this: a horse is never more confident than when it knows whoās in charge and what the rules are. Period.
A horse thatās allowed to āopt outā of work when it doesnāt feel like it isnāt a happy horse. Itās a confused horse. A horse thatās allowed to drag its handler, rush the gate, balk at obstacles, or call the shots under saddle isnāt empowered ā itās insecure. Itās operating without a plan, without leadership, and without trust in its rider.
And let me tell you something ā trust isnāt earned through wishy-washy āmaybe-if-you-want-toā training. Itās earned through consistency, repetition, and follow-through. Thatās what gives a horse confidence. Thatās what earns respect. Thatās what makes a horse feel safe ā and therefore willing.
Manners Are Not Optional
When people send their horses to me for training, one of the first things I work on is manners. I donāt care how broke that horse is, how many blue ribbons it has, or how fancy the bloodlines are. If the horse walks through me, pulls away, crowds my space, or refuses to stand quietly, weāre not moving on until thatās fixed.
Because manners arenāt cosmetic. Theyāre the foundation of everything.
If your horse doesnāt respect your space on the ground, what makes you think itāll respect your leg cues under saddle? If your horse doesnāt wait for a cue to walk off at the mounting block, what makes you think itāll wait for your cue to lope off on the correct lead?
We donāt give horses the option to decide whether or not to be respectful. Thatās not up for debate. Thatās the bare minimum of the contract.
Leadership Isnāt Force ā Itās Direction
Now before somebody takes this and twists it into something itās not, let me be clear. Iām not talking about bullying. Iām not talking about fear-based training. I donāt train with anger, and I donāt train with cruelty.
But I also donāt ask twice.
When I give a cue, I expect a response. If I donāt get it, I donāt stand there and beg ā I escalate until I get the response I asked for. And then I drop right back down to lightness. Thatās how you teach a horse to respond to softness. Not by starting soft and staying soft no matter what. You teach softness through clarity, consistency, and fair correction when needed.
Thatās leadership.
Horses Crave It ā So Give It
Some of the best horses Iāve ever trained came in hot, pushy, or insecure. And some of those same horses left my place calm, willing, and confident ā not because I over-handled them, but because I gave them structure. I told them where the boundaries were, and I held those boundaries every single time. I wasnāt their friend. I wasnāt their therapist. I was their leader.
And in the end, thatās what they wanted all along.
They didnāt want to vote. They wanted to be led.
Final Thought
If your horse is calling the shots ā whether thatās dragging you out to the pasture, refusing to go in the trailer, tossing its head, or dictating when and how you ride ā then your barn doesnāt have a training problem. It has a leadership problem.
Stop running your horse life like a town hall meeting. Training isnāt a democracy. Your horse doesnāt get a say in whether or not it respects you. That partās not optional. Your job ā your responsibility ā is to show up, be consistent, and take the lead. Every time.
Because if you donāt? That horse will. And I promise you, thatās not the direction you want to go.
