11/18/2024
“The Glamorous Life of a Big Game Tracker"
I’ve been seeing this surface with ignorance, it actually made me chuckle, it was funny but and gave April and I a second wind to rise and grind and press repeat. If you know you know…and I’m pretty sure everyone in this coalition can relate…good toilet read before you hit the lines!
[Scene: A cozy living room with a couch, a coffee table littered with hunting magazines, and a television playing nature documentaries. APRIL, a seasoned big game tracking Teckel, who is lounging on the couch when ANT, a hunter with a misguided perception about trackers, bursts in.]
ANT: So, April, when are you cashing in on all that big game tracking? I hear you hounds and handlers make a fortune chasing down wounded deer and whatnot. Must be nice to get rich off of desperate hunters.
APRIL: (raising jaws ) Oh, absolutely, Ant. You’re right. I’ll just send my bank account a “Thank You” note for all the riches rolling in from tracking down high shoulder shots with no projectile for 2 miles.
ANT: Seriously, though, it sounds like a dream job!
APRIL: Oh, for sure! Who wouldn’t want to take off from work spend their weekends trudging through the mud, briars while dodging poison ivy, and navigating through a buffet of blood-sucking ticks and briars thicker then oatmeal ? It’s like a five-star resort, but with more calluses and fewer amenities.
ANT: But don’t you get paid for it?
APRIL: (Growl) Paid? Honey, the only thing I’m raking in is a sliver of deer liver while my teammate Matt goes through his loose change in his 2016 F-150 ash tray for gas money to take the 90 minute trip at 4am one way. You think hunters are showering us with cash after we drag their sorry butts through the nastiest cover known to mankind? Please. It’s more like, “Here’s a bottle of water and some toilet paper to mark the evidence. Stop worrying about the dam daggers of thorns, I’m into the death pheromone you have to keep up so we can run this deer down and finish him so I can get my tug. .” Get ready for a craw through hell and back. My human father-teammate wants to restart me at the original point off loss 500 yard behind us but not back the same trail silly he doesn’t cross contaminate the line that took you 5 hrs to travel 800 yards and me 15 min and only because I had to work through all the evidence you stepped on with your boots and spread aimlessly through the forest.
ANT: (chuckles) Okay, but what about all the gear? That stuff must be expensive, right?
APRIL: (smirking) Oh, absolutely! Nothing says “financial independence” like the 800 dollar vet bill to remove the 1/4 inch thorn lodged in my gum line. tracking collar, dog food, time away from my 4 human family memebers 14 and younger and my dads endless supply of first aid kits for both the deer and myself. It’s practically a goldmine!
ANT: (laughs) So, what’s the point then?
APRIL: (leaning back on the lazy boy recliner) The point, dear Ant, is that I do this because I love it. The thrill of the chase, the satisfaction of helping a hunter recover their game, and the chance to spend time in nature. You know, all those things that don’t come with a price tag.
ANT: So, you’re saying you’re in it for the love, not the money?
APRIL: Exactly! Who needs financial stability when you can have the joy of battling finding a deer for a hunter and only getting 30 seconds to chew on MY recovey, It’s like a twisted version of a scavenger hunt, but with more sweat and less candy. I mean who else works for a sliver of liver and a cozy spot next to my 7 year old human friend at bedtime.
ANT: You’ve got a point there!
APRIL: So, next time you think about the glamour of being a big game tracker, remember: It’s not all dollar signs and monster trophies. Sometimes it’s just you, my handler human , and the good company that joins you down the line who values the recovery or the closure that comes with knowing you might see that elusive beast once again.
With sloppy kisses,
April
(Written by Matt Kass)
