08/08/2024
Adopted!
Are you sick and tired of your mother in law asking when you are going to have little crotch goblins?! In this economy?!
Do you generally dislike other peoples small humans and fear getting a cute small puppy will inevitably attract them to you?
Well do I have the perfect solution for you! Meet Rocky!
Rocky will make sure you never get a moment alone including but not limited to…. The toilet, the shower, bed, doing any chores, falling asleep on the couch while netflixing after a hard day of work or really doing anything!
But circling back to these skin babies! Rocky hates them! Honestly has a completely unreasonable hatred of them. And like his name sake Rocky Balboa, he chooses violence. It’s seriously uncalled for but hey! Use it, I say!
When your mom says “I want children” you can respond “I can’t bring a baby into this home! My little fur baby will just not allow it!”
When a child runs up screaming “OMG PUPPY!” You can block them (big hand to the forhead) and say “MY DOG WILL TEAR YOU BIG TOE TO RIBBONS SO STAY BACK!” They will stop, in confusion, Rocky will scream some borderline illegal thing (certainly nothing that should be said to an impressionable child) and then you’re good to go! No more unwanted child attention.
Now do not worry, Rocky’s hatred of children takes up all the room he has for hate in his heart! He hates nothing else! He loves other dogs, doesn’t notice cats exist and really loves his people!
So if you’d like to have your very own, fully trained child protection device look no further than this 5lb man!
He is 4 years old, vaccinated against all pesky little diseases and has no bits for making his own children!