07/09/2025
OMG - Moose must be Sonny's brother
Moose spent an embarrassingly long time today following around a teeeeeeny, tiiiiiiny frog at the soccer fields. Let’s call him Fred.
To be fair, Moose was gentle and (in his mind) gave Fred plenty of space. Fred, however, did not share that sentiment. After several awkward minutes of being stalked by a living loaf of bread, Fred snapped—and jumped directly into Moose’s face.
Now, you may be laughing at the image of a speck-of-dirt sized frog attempting to attack a 90 pound German Shepherd, because just WHAT did he think that would accomplish?! It'd be equivalent to someone flicking a pea at you from 10 feet away.
Well, maybe if I didn't own the Temu version of a German Shepherd (as far as typical character traits go)- this would be the case.
Instead, it caused Moose to yelp (yes, he yelped) and jump 5 feet backwards. Not only that, he then also refused to go back onto the concrete area for the remainder of the time we were there.
And while I can’t technically confirm this, I’m convinced that Fred the frog didn’t just leap at him—he hurled deeply personal insults mid-air. The kind that cut.
The kind that make you reevaluate your life choices.
Now, some might say “Moose can’t possibly understand frog.”
To that I say: Clearly you don’t know Moose. Apparently, neither do I.
He sacrificed all potential brainpower to become fluent in Frog, which explains why he has zero grasp of practical knowledge like “don’t eat bees” or “doorways have dimensions.”
A tragic tale of misallocated resources.
A scholar in frog dialect, a disaster in literally every other category.
Please wish him healing.
Physically? He’s fine.
Emotionally? Ruined.
*I was lucky enough to capture the exact moment the assault occured, and we will be pressing charges*
