10/24/2026
📦🐾 OFFICIAL STATEMENT FROM THE 45 DOGS OF SOUTHERN OHIO SHEPHERDS.
WE REGRET TO INFORM AMAZON THAT THEIR DELIVERY DRIVER MAY NEVER BE THE SAME. 🤣🤣
Dear Wonderful Humans,
First of all, we’d like to make it perfectly clear that we had NOTHING to do with the Amazon Wish List.
That was Rescue Mom.
Apparently, she was concerned about our grocery situation. Something about 45 mouths to feed, astronomical food bills, and money not growing on trees. Blah, blah, blah.
We don’t concern ourselves with financial matters. We’re dogs. We eat, we p**p, we bark at absolutely nothing, and occasionally we redecorate things without permission.
ANYWAY.
Rescue Mom posted our Wish List, and a bunch of you wonderful humans said you were sending groceries.
WELL, SWEET BABY CHEESES. 🧀
YOU PEOPLE DID NOT COME TO PLAY! 😂
The Amazon truck showed up, and the boxes started coming.
And coming.
AND COMING.
We watched the delivery guy hauling all those cases of canned food, and frankly, we were impressed. That’s a lot of heavy lifting for a guy who doesn’t even get to eat any of it.
We barked our encouragement, of course.
Some of us barked at the truck. Some barked at the boxes. A few barked because everyone else was barking and they didn’t want to be left out.
We’re a very supportive organization. 🤷♀️
We’d like to recognize the humans responsible for this glorious grocery extravaganza!
🐾 Teresa Georg – TWO cases of Pedigree canned food, a box of Milk-Bones, a case of Purina ONE canned food, and a dog bowl! Teresa, the Milk-Bones were a particularly classy touch. We approve.
🐾 Mystery Human #1 – One case of Jinx canned food! We don’t know who you are, but we’d happily lick your face.
🐾 Amy Hoch – One case EACH of Canidae, Purina ONE, and Jinx canned food! Amy clearly believes in a well-rounded menu. We respect that.
🐾 Anna Tawfik – TWO bowls and TWO cases of Purina ONE canned food! Finally, someone recognizes that we deserve proper table service.
🐾 Tim and Julie Davis – One case of Jinx and one case of Canidae canned food! Excellent work, humans. Ten out of ten tail wags.
🐾 Jeff Seng (Vicky) – TWO cases of Purina ONE canned food! We would like to nominate you for the Nobel Prize in Dog Groceries.
🐾 Kelly Benjamin – One case of Jinx and one case of Purina ONE canned food! Kelly, you’re officially on our list of favorite people.
🐾 Kristen Aeh and Mus – One case of Canidae canned food! We appreciate your contribution to our ongoing campaign against empty bowls.
🐾 Andrew Pettit – One case of Purina ONE canned food! Andrew, we salute you. 🫡
🐾 Mystery Human #2 – One case of Purina ONE canned food! Please identify yourself. We have 45 thank-you kisses waiting, and at least six of us have absolutely no concept of personal space.
GRAND TOTAL: 17 CASES OF CANNED FOOD, THREE DOG BOWLS, AND A BOX OF MILK-BONES! 🎉🎉
And a partridge in a pear tree. Although we suspect the partridge wouldn’t last long around here. 😂
Now, Rescue Mom says this is a tremendous blessing because we have seniors who need special attention, medical cases, and a couple of skinny little fellas who need to put some groceries in their bellies.
She also says every case you send is money she doesn’t have to spend on food, which means more money for our veterinary care.
We’d like to formally request that she redirect some of those savings toward additional cookies.
MOTION MADE. SECONDED. UNANIMOUSLY APPROVED BY ALL 45 DOGS. 🐾
Rescue Mom has vetoed the motion. 🙄
But seriously, humans, THANK YOU. ❤️
You didn’t just send us dog food. You took a huge worry off our Rescue Mom’s shoulders, and that’s something even we understand.
She works awfully hard keeping all of us fed, healthy, and out of trouble.
Well, the first two anyway. The third is a lost cause.
To our two mystery donors, please let us know who you are! Your boxes didn’t have gift tags, and we’d like to properly thank you!
And finally, to our dear Amazon delivery driver:
We understand that you may currently be lying on your living room floor questioning your career choices.
We sincerely appreciate your sacrifice.
Unfortunately, we have reviewed the situation and determined that WE ARE NOT SORRY. 🤣
We have 45 mouths, an active Amazon Wish List, and a whole lot of generous humans.
You might want to start doing some stretches.
With love, gratitude, excessive barking, and absolutely no remorse,
🐾 THE ENTIRE 45-MEMBER CANINE BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Southern Ohio Shepherds Rescue & Sanctuary ❤️
P.S. Rescue Mom says thank you from the bottom of her heart.
P.P.S. She’s still breaking down cardboard boxes.
P.P.P.S. SOMEBODY OPEN THE DAMN MILK-BONES ALREADY. 🤣🐾
