Holistic Equine Relationship Development - HERD

03/03/2025

Be deeply, wildly, shamelessly affectionate with your horses. You are allowed. Not only allowed, that's a direct order.

Somehow, it has become cool to be careless. Rugged individualism and masochistic work addiction translate to a scenario where the biggest show of effort from a horse is met with a nonchalant pet from a rider trying to be cool, or a vulgar hard slap-slap-slap from a rider trying to prove, all too loudly, that the horse "pleased" them.

Pet the horse. Open soft land, stroke. Not a slap, unless your horse likes vigorous pressure. I have one of those at home. If he was a human it would be Deep Tissue Massage or Get Outta Here with your skin rubs.

Every horse will like affection catered differently. For some, they want your hands OFF. Touch is too intense, too crass. It is enough for you to stand there and glow about them. Just glow, from inside and out. They glow back. And you squirm with pride. Glow worm.

When someone calls their horse names, I have to wonder who encouraged them to go so far up Sh*t Creek? Don't you realise that the forces that made the Galaxy, mountains, and that grass over there is the same power that made you, and made your horse?

It is a miracle to be alive.

You want to spend the precious little time we have in our life being CYNICAL? Being stoic or even harsh towards animals that safekeep your body during fun and/or necessary activities? When did you forget that you get only one life? And in your last breath, are you going to be grateful that you spent your time with your horse calling them a jerk, bitch, as***le, idiot etc etc etc. How ridiculous. Stop it.

It is deeply, profoundly foolish to not be affectionate to your horses. Got a horse that challenges you, frustrates you, annoys you, or makes your life hard? Sure. We all do. Get it out of your system and then walk your nervous system back home.

Say thank you.
I love you.
I am grateful for you.
I think you are the best.
Thank you.

Repeat.

That is your prescription today! Shed the skin of the toxic stoicism we have all been taught to embody as some form of Legitimate Horse People Are Rarely Affectionate Or Impressed By Their Horse. Unless the horse performs some kind of miracle.

If you do not tell your horse they are fabulous, how will they ever be fabulous?

Ever had a horse do the same for you in return? You gotta give it, to get it.

Try it. It doesn't hurt I promise.

Your friends laughing at you? For being kind to your horse? Can you hear how utterly insane that is? Discover your confidence to embody that care and nurturant love with your horses and shake your head in disbelief at the fools who think that's foolish... or take them out to lunch and ask them when their pain started. Only people in pain withhold love. Nothing sadder.

But you do not have to. You can just decide, right now, and implement it, right now.

02/20/2025

Your touch is impatient.

Your body doesn’t believe me.

It feels like you’re running away but you’re physically getting closer and closer.

Now I can smell you. You’re not breathing.

Tell me, why is your anxiety more important to you, than my safety when I am with you?

You ask me questions and give me no time to think and then already there’s a tap, a swing, a push, a nudge, and urge to comply.

Comply with what?

With that? Ok, you say you want lightness then why do you build it up and break it down again a hundred times an hour?

If you want it light, feel the unbearable lightness of asking quietly and waiting for me to think.

If you wait for me to think, you’ll have to feel your own body whilst you wait.

This is exactly what I am hoping for.

If you don’t like how you feel, I want you to know that belongs to you, not me. And you can change it. But you have to feel it first.

I want you in your body. The same way I am in my body- it’s all I have. My body, my space, my memories and my hopes.

Still I hope.

Then you yell. Not with your voice, with your body. Like I am deaf to your body you yell. You make weird and intimidating movements and keep your face calm.

Relaxation, apparently.

You say to the others, that this rehearses an emergency.

To me, you’re the boy who cried wolf.

I am already aware. Emergencies emerge- they are not rehearsed. When a true emergency arrives, and you have not dulled me to your vain rehearsed loudness, I will respond. All creatures on earth understand the primal cry.

But what I understand now, is that deep down, you’re actually in an emergency. Always. Just by standing next to me you’re in an emergency.

I’ve heard that your kind live a very hard existence. And I am roped into that with you. I am compassionate to you.

Because I can see.
I can feel.
I can sense.
I can smell.
I can hear.
And I know. You’re in an emergency just by being here.

That doesn’t mean I am too.

01/30/2025

In the morning, Quora came in from her pasture and had asked to go into a stall. She was in there munching hay when I went to get her to tack her up and ride.
Although I normally bring her out into the aisle at liberty, she had already been groomed so I went into the stall with the halter, as that’s what I ride her in.

I opened the door and entered the stall, she picked her head up, looked at me, made a kind of ‘blech’ face then turned away from me. The back door of the stall was open to a paddock and she slowly walked out.

There were so many ways to think about or ‘address’ that scenario. Was she being disrespectful? Was she telling me that she hated riding, or hated me? Did she need to be ‘corrected or did I need to walk away? Should I have ‘done’ something?

Should I feel like a failure that my young horse doesn’t like me? Or should I feel like a failure because I hadn’t trained her to give me her full attention when I enter her space? for so many people those would be the only 2 options for how to feel about this.

I decided to do nothing and just observe. I decided to be curious.

She walked out into the paddock and got a drink from the waterer. Yes, there was water in her stall, but I had already observed that she prefers the outside waterer, perhaps because it’s less noisy.

After getting a drink she walked back into the stall and into the aisle and stuck her head in the halter that I was still holding. I guess I’m not such a failure after all.

I thought about the day before when Dana and I were going somewhere, he was already outside and came in the kitchen to let me know we needed to go. I held up my finger to say: ‘just 1 minute’ and turned to get a drink of water. I thought about how absolutely normal that scenario was. There was no pressure or disobedience. Dana didn’t feel like a failure or that I had disrespected him. It was just 2 people in a relationship moving through life together.

How else could Quora have possibly have told me that she was thirsty? I love that my horses feel free to do things like that. It means she ‘got’ what is happening and she simply wanted to have a drink before doing it. No, I don’t know exactly what she was thinking, but sometimes things simply are as they seem.

I was glad I didn’t ‘correct’ her or feel bad about myself. Keeping me feeling good about myself isn’t my horse’s responsibility anyway… but that’s a different story.

I know probably some people are going to make arguments that she should look at me when I enter the stall, she shouldn’t turn away, blah, blah blah.

I wonder if that would be the same people who also would say that when my husband walks in the room I need to give him full attention and I don’t dare hesitate when he says it’s time to leave... even if I'm thirsty.

We are each allowed to have the relationship we want with our horses. Just make sure it’s working for you and your horse.

12/05/2024

Based on recent research coming to light, I’d like to describe what I am evolving on, in the ever expanding work of Emotional Horsemanship.

1. I used to believe there were correct and optimal positions and movements to prefer. I now understand that these positions and movements are good and helpful if they are good and helpful, and they won’t always be. We need to give bodies options. Not minimal, reductionist, optimal and inflexible zones of safety. Options and variation, as much as we can afford them within their anatomical limits.

2. I no longer teach automatic associations between specific movements, body parts, and behaviors as automatic universal triggers to specific emotional states as the final answer. This is taught as an important stepping stone. Because we cannot understand the enormous variation and nuance that is the truth, if we have not understood some basic symbols. Horses don’t speak with their bodies in automatic button pressing, trigger meaning, action states. That feels intuitive but recent science has blown that out the water, as a naive first step in understanding horses only. It’s a helpful stepping stone in teaching progressive clients who are only starting to understand horses. But as soon as possible we need to get our students comfortable with interpreting not behavioural formulas like an alphabet, but exploring the abundance of variation that each horse present.

3. Homeostatic nervous systems are probably unhealthy. I used to promote consistency and sameness as the goal we might aspire to. I still believe it’s helpful for most horses to find a calm baseline. But not to live only and forever in that place. We understand now that healthy brains and bodies have ups and downs. Not flatlines in the middle. And we need to be training as such.

4. Emotions are not triggered. It feels like they are. But brains have prepared responses ready before triggers arrive- brains and bodies predict what’s coming. When the brain predicts something, and they predicted incorrectly, the brain feels very awkward and uncomfortable. The nervous system immediately is taxed and can be very jarred. The technical term for this poorly predicted discomfort is: learning.

5. Not all trauma is stored in the body. Not all disease is a result of trauma. I used to espouse this, it has now become a “sometimes” and “in some cases” factoid. Not an immediate draw card.

6. Horses are not in the moment always. Like us, they can be running simulations of the past, and predicting anxiously to the future. In fact- it’s very rare to find horses in the moment always.
A good task in horsemanship is to teach your horse how to be in the moment (with you). And maybe we learn how to do that as well.

This is an extremely brief and poorly written synopsis with many missing holes, of the things I have pivoted on this year. Evolved. That’s my job. To teach from the best that I can but immediately move to the next best layer as soon as it reveals itself. And some of the research that went into these findings was only published and reviewed this year. No, I’m not giving references here today. I have other places where I cite my research.

I’ve just spent 12 weeks meticulously teaching all of this and more, in great detail, in a course focused on riding, to 125 people. We have one week left, and then I open intakes for self study. So you can see exactly what I am talking about.

11/14/2024

How many rules are you willing to break?

Are you able to get outside of the little prison you made for yourself? The little prison that keeps you stuck. Stuck on anxious ruminations that never go anywhere. Round and around and around. Stuck on reasons why you shouldn't try. Stuck on fear to make a choice. Stuck on a belief that tells you, that you cannot, that you shouldn't. That you are wrong.

To get unstuck you need to be willing to break some rules. Be willing to look weird (to others). To have people become intrusively nosey about what you're doing. Have sticky beaks get in your business and ask invasive and inappropriate questions about you and your choices. You will need the resilience to stand in the face of the status quo, and be "Othered".

If you have never, until now, been An Other, I would like to speak to you directly now. I speak to you directly as a person who has lived in various degrees of Otherness all my life. Sure, there's plenty of me that camouflages. Plenty of me that fits in too. But when it really came down to it, I have lived my life by the awareness that I was only "Tolerated" by those around me. People let me know that I should feel lucky to be listened to by them. That I am An Other. And they only deign to pretend I exist when it serves them. And never as an equal. I developed a sensitive detection for this. And now put a lot of effort into distancing or protecting myself from those who feel like integration with Lockie is their social-good-deed to The Others for the year.

But the paradox with horses is this: if you want to treat horses selflessly, kindly, altruistically, you are going to be One Of The Others. Everywhere you go.

It is not common place, or status quo to be kind to horses. It is accepted however to
- ride their bodies too young, to great detriment to their health.
- separate them from all social interaction, despite abundance of resources that they are fundamentally social animals that suffer when isolated
- To ridicule and make fun of horses, while also using them for our own fun, sport or financial gain
- To throw them away when they are not useful anymore
- To escalate pressure until you get what you want- always.
- To never hesitate to use pain to control them

etc.

If you choose to no longer identify with above practices, and more of their ilk, you will now be considered An Other. A weirdo. A Strange Person. A Confusing Entity. A Not One Of Us.

You will eventually, somewhere, be socially rejected. And horses have taught us that nothing is more damaging to a social animal than social rejection.

So, it is in situations like this, where (often against your will) you will need to ask a Weirdo; "What do I do now?".

This is why I am busy at this moment in time. Waves upon waves of horse people walking away from systems of abuse and their first step is often to ask the weirdo, what to do now.

What do I reply with?

Invariably, know yourself. Know your horse. It starts there.

11/11/2024

Love this perspective.

10/14/2024

Feeling brave, might delete later.

I’ve been pondering the dignity of the horse lately. At the level of collective species: “Horse”, and at the level of the individual horse, with a name, a place in the world and (hopefully) a loving human safeguarding them at their side.

I could mince my words and couch this, or I can speak to it plainly. If you’ll permit me, I’ll speak my view plainly here.

We can be doing better to keep in mind the dignity of our horses. Using them for our recreation and pleasure, is not something we are entitled to do. No matter how good our care and horse keeping is.

A well fed circus elephant, is still experiencing an egregious affront to their dignity when it is asked (nicely) to balance on the stool.

I am haunted by the expression in the eyes of some horses I saw in my past. The expression was one of a profound, deep, disassociation. To offer you a metaphor, to help you understand but not to describe accurately the horses experience, they had gone away in their mind. To the Bahamas. St, Lucia maybe. They were reclining in a hammock and sipping a Mai Tai under a palm tree, Bob Marley playing on the radio in the distance. While in the flesh, their flesh was being used by an upper primate for pleasure and fun.

Or sport.

They had long since stopped fighting. Their fight, their push back did flag them for their owner enough so that a trainer was called in. A trainer was called in who was a horseman. The horseman pet the horse and said
“I know.”

And then the horseman equipped the horse with some coping strategies. Explained to them that they are best off if they exchange a bit of their dignity and offer their owner what the owner wants of them: fun. If they give away a bit of their dignity- without trouble, and disassociate to tolerate the period of use that follow, they can protect themselves from a worse fate of trading all their dignity, or comfort, or safety, or life, for a period of use that follows.

Because Use of the horse is what always will follow.

I speak this as someone who enjoys riding as a pleasurable activity. I enjoy training as a pleasurable activity. But I am also someone who enjoys centering not MY desires, but I enjoy centering the horses dignity.

In fact, I seem to be a magnet for horses who have a pretty profound dignity streak. It shows up in a multitude of ways, but if I don’t preserve their dignity and centre their experience, they tell me straight away, and I am committed to the response-ability of what happens next.

All of us trade our dignity in disease, and the prevention of it. Almost nothing is worse than being a patient. Especially if you are a being who is impatient in the face of the loss of autonomy. If a horse finds basic care, trimming, handling, housing, an affront, then I triple check that I am firstly Doing My Best to offer the best conditions possible at this time. If I am not doing my best to afford the best possible conditions- I take action until I’ve exhausted the possibilities. I’ve put this to test thousands of times, long before I had my own land.
Then, I do my best to get the basics done as efficiently and painlessly as possible- I speak vetting, feeding, housing, trimming etc.

Then we come to training- horsemanship. And here my standards are much higher. A well fed, cared for, properly housed horse now doesn’t “need” human driven interaction, riding or training, in order to maintain base line of health and well-being. They feed, exercise and entertain themselves if you set it up so that they can. So… as an upper level high functioning primate (allegedly) I now have to prove myself worthy to be the thing that causes the horses cup to overfloweth. Not the thing that keeps the horse from the brink of the abyss.

Imagine a happy healthy horse who doesn’t “need” you, telling you that what you’re asking for, is an affront to their basic dignity. Imagine then upping your game. Getting better. Being honed- not by your selfish human desires, but being honed by the horse.

Now imagine a happy healthy horse who doesn’t “need” you, telling you that they love spending time with you, are interested in what you have to say, and find you the thing that makes their great life, an incredible life.

That’s what I mean when I speak about dignity.

And asking a horse to be ok with something that is not ok (to them) is only applicable if it is a Must-Do activity.

And our use of a horse for fun has never been a Must-Do activity.

But I guess that depends on what you define as fun. I don’t find “Use”, fun.

09/30/2024

Update, new ways to work with healing stress, trauma, and fear in mammals!

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a psychotherapy modality that enables people, and now mammals, to heal from the symptoms and emotional distress that are the result of disturbing life experiences. Repeated studies show that by using EMDR therapy people can experience the benef...

07/12/2024

Your new "ethical" choices are not weapons for you to use against others.

There are sweeping changes, a tide swelling, within the community of horse-loving people. We are learning. We are growing. We are opening our eyes. We are realising.

We are realising that the things we used to do, were a problem for the horses. We realised that how we used to train, ride, keep and handle horses is no longer how we want to do it. So we learn. We sought mentors and teachers. We grew. We changed.

But just because we changed, doesn't mean everyone has to change in identical fashion to us. Nobody has to follow you on your exact path. Good training, can look like so many different things.

Your new choices you deem more ethical, are your new choices. They may not be someone else's choices. You are not permitted to weaponise your new choices against others. I mean, you can do what you like. I guess what I am saying, is that I do not personally or professionally condone that conduct.

I know it is tough. Because you see someone doing something with a horse, and they are laughing, or continuing unaware of their horses signs of pain, distress or discomfort. You want to help them. You want this person to stop harming horses AND to avoid the same mistakes you made.

So you make a comment. It comes out of you passive-aggressive even though in your heart you meant it with kindness.

So you make a face. You tried to not be bitchy, but you judged the others anyway, you judged them as Less-Than you because their choices are different.

So you come and tell them what they should and should not be doing, unsolicited. After all, you deem their behaviour ignorant and harmful, and deem your choices superior and well-informed.

That. Is. Abusive.

That. Is. Disrespectful.

That. Is. Demonstrating. That. You. Have. Not. Changed.

You used to force, or manipulate horses to your will. Now you force and manipulate other peoples horses to your will through anti-social tactics against other people. Usually these other people are your friends, acquaintances or even clients.

You used to be unaware of your impact on horses. Now you are unaware of your impact on others.

You used to be harsh on people who didn't dominate or force their horses like you. Now you are harsh on people who don't work softly and correctly with horses like you.

Let people have their journey. Let people experiment. Let people try. Let people find out for themselves. Let people explore their options and maybe even (gasp) allow other people to make their own mistakes and learn from them. Be there for them when they screw up, if they screw up.

But peering through the curtains, raising your eyes, saying Shoulda-Woulda-Coulda's AT them when they did not ask for your help... is not helpful.

Let me say this very clearly.

To my students. My friends. My colleagues. My clients. The people who have bought a course, done lessons, subscribe to services and content. Attended a clinic. Anyone who has passed through Emotional Horsemanship or Lockie or Lockie adjacent. I speak directly to you. If this shoe fits, wear it. If it does not, I do not speak about you.

I, Lockie Phillips, DO NOT CONDONE you weaponising my teachings, or my methods against people who are making different choices with their horses. Yes, even if you think they are harming their horses. I do not condone, support or encourage you employing manipulative, passive aggressive, aggressive, bitchy, high-schoolish, mean-girlish, tactics to "tell" others that they are making bad choices and should do it like us instead. I do not condone it. I do not do that. And if I do it unintentionally, I apologise, and rectify my behaviour. I do not support, encourage or expect my community to engage in toxic judgemental behavioural patterns with their friends, clients, community or acquaintances. At all. Dot com. Ever.

If you are doing this in my name or in the name of my methods, please stop. Stop. And apologise. How you represent yourself, and us, matters. Stop throwing fuel on the fire.

Now, what to do instead?

You identify that you do not like what someone else around you is doing with their horses? Here is what you can do.

1. Lead by example. Practice with YOUR horses and focus on your results.
2. If they ask you for help, and you are able to help them, then help them without condescending or patronising them. Help them as equals, or do not help them at all.
3. Reach out to them, in a friendly manner, and ask them if they are open to your feedback. If they are, present the feedback in an open way too. You might be wrong.
4. If you recognise a real situation of active abuse or neglect, go to authorities, if this owner is not open to guidance, support or direction. Authorities might be barn managers, their trainer, or Animal Control.

These are the actions I have taken in the past.

I speak to you as someone who is very harsh on the problematics practices in our industry, but who tries (and often fails) to be as soft as possible with the people. 99% of the time, when someone stands in front of me asking for help, and I see them doing or engaging in something that I deem problematic, I muster my self-control to help and support them.

Where do I draw the line?

If someone asked for my help, and we are many months or years into cooperation, and they consistently won't let go of a problematic practice despite my best efforts to engender new practices, and then they demonstrate a poor or rude attitude to me at a personal level around my feedback, I draw a boundary. My boundaries are immediate, hard and clear. But I put huge effort into someone else before I do that.

But I do this out in the open. And if I go too far and become harsh or judgmental on them personally, I apologise.

But I do not condone, that this growing community, become another Ethically Swinging Horsemanship community that is famous for being elitist, judgemental, or poor in their behaviours towards others. I have felt that first hand, had death threats out of such communities. It is the reason those communities do not grow.

Be good in community.
Control your judgement.
Exercise respectful discernment and support of others.

04/17/2024

Something to reflect on

Our horses do not owe us Hope.
Our horses do not owe us Pleasure.
Our horses do not owe us Rides.
Our horses do not owe us Work.
Our horses do not owe us Behaviours.
Our horses do not owe us The Things We Want Right Now.
Our horses do not owe us Transitions.
Our horses do not owe us Correctness.
Our horses do not owe us Manners.
Our horses do not owe us Respect.
Our horses do not owe us Achievements.
Our horses do not owe us Relationships.
Our horses do not owe us Bonds.
Our horses do not owe us Collection.
Our horses do not owe us Connection.
Our horses do not owe us Training.
Our horses do not owe us Fitness.
Our horses do not owe us... nothing.

Anything we get from horses, is earned. Not owed. Earned.

I have opinions. They belong to me. They probably belong to only me. If they trigger you. That trigger belongs to you. Not to me. This is my truth. It is probably not your truth. I share my truth to share my truth. I do not share my truth to change your truth.

I don't want to change your truth. That belongs to you. Not to me. Because you do not owe me Change. I am not entitled to your - dear readers - attention, time, energy, affirmations, acceptance, agreement, augmentation or consideration.

YOU do not owe my opinions your attention, time, energy, affirmation, acceptance, agreement, augmentation or consideration.

Dear deeply caring horse owner, 2024 is the year I invite us all to take our energy back.

We have Octopus'd our energy. Spread it outside of ourselves. Making our sticky hands and sticky fingers fiddling and meddling in things that are not ours. Not only is this disrespectful (in my opinion) to others. But all it does it hollow you. You become a wasted, burned out shell. Because you are spending your attention, time, energy, affirmations, acceptance, agreement, augmentation and consideration on things you should not spend them on.

Take care.

Take care of what is right in front of you.

Only what is in front of you.

Because we owe our horses, and ourselves one thing and one thing only.

Peace.

Eye roll if you want. If you want to eye roll, I honour that, I bid you enjoy your chaos. You can keep it. Would you like to take mine too? I don't want my chaos. But I won't give my chaos to you. Because you don't owe me that. And I keep my hands and feet to myself. I don't meddle in your world unless you ask me. And if you ask me, I ask 10,000 questions before I come inside.

We owe horses peace.
We owe horses peace.
We owe horses peace.

We owe ourselves peace too.

04/09/2024

https://horsesport.com/magazine/behaviour/when-good-horses-say-no/amp/?fbclid=IwAR1QTqFld-q5MZhx6BZX5iqQao1lUk_cIHxsVi5OmP3tWYdx1erSg5PW7vg_aem_AdJMaY4MIT1zWimiuChgnpt3kbKedIGQ9Ce3pBwQ-hJR9qKzmvIrSD3p01tRdZtoVTrUGbD6zuJ6oNjD4joK93lg

Great article

Some physiological and psychological reasons for a horse’s deteriorating performance, and why we might miss some red flags.

04/02/2024

My dear friend Chelsea Sherman suffered a devastating loss this morning when a tornado … Laura Palazzolo needs your support for Help Hidden Rose Farm Rebuild!

03/27/2024

So, you've been HOLDING SPACE

We have been learning how to hold space. According to 'Psychology Today', Holding space is a practice of making space for somebody else's experience and centering them. To hold space, one must be fully present and create a safe environment. Once the circumstances are created, holding space fosters listening and empathizing.

But there is a problem with Holding Space.

If we have been walking out of a life experience where we DIDN'T hold space... where we did not know how to center the experience of an other, where we were not in safe places, where we did not empathise, then yes, learning how to Hold Space is super important for creating positive social emotional connections... with humans and with horses.

It is possible we start holding too much. We make ourselves into a container. People, and horses, will trauma dump on us. Make us- the Space Holders -responsible for them and their stuff. We carry the baggage of others. We even see someone else training their horse in a manner and way we find troublesome, and then we apologise to the horse we have, for what someone else is doing, and then forge a training approach around our apology for existing.

Space Holding can go too far. For some of us, it is second nature to center others. It is second nature to forge safe places by strong boundaries of protection. For some of us, empathy is a language we have lived with always. We do not need further pushing or social conditioning to do more of it. Because those of us for whom Space Holding comes easy, if we focus too much on it, we stop being Space Holders and start being containers for exploitation.

No.

My dear, sensitive, intelligent, talented, empathic horse people. 2024, is the year we call it back.

A client recently described an experience where she let go of a social pressure to Hold Space for others in a way which was detrimental to her and her horse. And instead made a different choice centered not on the needs of them, but on her needs.

She said her internal dialogue felt like;
"I'll take that back please"

We cannot Hold Space for others in a balanced and appropriate way if we have not met our own needs first. Our own needs of four dimensional safety (Physical, mental, emotional and spiritual). You cannot give from an empty cup.

So this is the year I an encouraging us all to practice the very important healing phrase of;
"No."

I will take that back now.

My sanity.

My safety.

My authenticity.

My talents.

My feelings.

My ideas.

My spaces.

I will take those back now. I will not Hold Space for everything, every man and his dog and all activities under the sun. I cannot. We cannot. We are not that powerful.

Instead be discerning. Some things we hold space for, some things we do not. And that is ok.