03/30/2025
We all know the definition of insanity, but when it comes to training our dogs and dealing with behavior issues, I watch owner after owner fall into doing the “insane” thing… continuously repeating the same no-results-delivering stuff and hoping for a better result.
Here’s the thing. If engaging in positive-only training approaches created the desired results owners are desperate for, I wouldn’t be writing this post, and thousands upon thousands of balanced trainers wouldn’t be in thriving businesses
So many of you have allowed your common sense and your personal life experiences and observations of how reality actually works… to be hijacked. You’ve actually allowed yourself to be re-programmed by those who use emotional manipulation; the promises of never having to experience anything emotionally challenging (for you and your dog); and being the kinder more virtuous, more sophisticated, more science-based, more humane owner — even though somewhere, deep down, you know it’s all bu****it.
But you buy it because you want it to be true. Like the “Make a million dollars in a week without any risk or effort.”, “Or get that flat tummy and perfect butt in 7 days, without dieting or exercise!” We all know this stuff is nonsense, (God i hope so!) but we often still get pulled into stuff we know simply isn’t possible, but because it’s so appealing we suspend disbelief.
Owners are told, but they also critically want to believe, that they can just love, praise, and reward their way out of their dog’s issues — and it’ll all be great.
Except, as we all keep seeing over and over — it’s anything but great.
This is your reality wake up call. You know that negative consequences, and the awareness of their possible application, have had a huge impact on your own behavior, as well as all those around you. You know it doesn’t destroy you, it informs, reminds, and corrects you. It often times is the only thing that has saved you from making truly terrible mistakes — or, at least saved you from putting them on repeat.
So if you’re struggling with your dog, and you’ve been trying an all positive approach, before you exclaim to the world how you’ve tried everything, just take a breath and check in with the fact that you’ve done nothing of the sort.
What you’ve done is the “insanity” part — in two ways: 1/ you’ve repeatedly engaged in a training approach which hasn’t delivered the promised results, and you’ve ignored that reality. And 2/ you agreed to invest time, money, and hope into a training approach that you know deep down doesn’t align with the reality of your own personal experience of life.
So when you’re *truly* ready to make something positive happen, it’s time to pull on our big boy and big girls pants and embrace the fact that if we’re going to create a healthy and harmonious life with our dogs, we need to share clearly not only what we want, but critically also what we don’t want. And that second part is only going to be achieved by sharing something — gasp — that is negative. Something that makes engaging in the behavior unpleasant, uncomfortable, unrewarding.
Or not. Totally up to you. We all get to choose whether we prefer a difficult reality and all it has offer, or an easy fantasy and all it has to rob us of.