07/13/2026
People always imagine farm life as peaceful. Those people have never owned guinea fowl.
Today's adventure began with four guinea fowl who somehow got themselves "trapped" inside the chicken coop. I say "trapped" because every door was open, ALL 8 of them.
The chickens knew it. I knew it. The guineas acted like I just deadlocked the last exit and came at them with a carving knife. They launched themselves into walls and each other like tiny feathered pinballs screaming, "WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!"
To prevent invevitable concussions, broken legs or wings, I caught two of them. They reacted as if I'd shown up wearing a hockey mask and carrying a chainsaw. Michael Myers would've gotten a warmer reception. I let one free and it dropped to the ground like a sack of potatoes as if it could not FLY!
Eventually one accidentally found freedom. Meanwhile the poor chickens staring at me with wide eyes in complete silence telling me "They aren't with us."
The last guinea decided the safest escape route was to hide in a nesting box and pretend I didn't exist. I will let it mascarade as a chicken for now. I herded the three escapees toward their coop.
Did they go inside? Of course not. Instead, they stood in the pouring rain, screaming at me, pecking my legs, and refusing to cross the doorway while I stood there questioning my life decisions like a dad's first day coaching little league.
By now I'm soaked completely through my jacket. My boots are so full of water I could've stocked them with fish.
Are we done yet? No, haven't even gotten to the reason I was outside in the first place! Don't worry, even my ADHD won't win in this scenario, when the goats and donkeys start hollering because it's dinner time and I am 3 minutes late! I grab the feed bucket, fill it go back inside the paddock to the shelter where they are all comfortably screaming from. Did I lock the gate? Nope, It is raining, goats are allergic to rain surely they wont...Yeah they will they did. My two loudest complaintents decided dinner was optional they'd prefer freedom. Waffles and Oreo. Good thing I outweigh them.
Finally make into the shelter, whwre baby Bambi has chosen to lie inside the feed trough and says he is not moving "just bathe me in feed"
I am taking too long, so Suspicion jumps directly onto the feed bucket.
Blue, watching this entire circus, side steps me and looks at me like I am patient 0 of the next plague and chose rain over dinner.
At that point I looked around and I simply said, "To hell with it." Everybody has food. Everybody is alive. The bucket belongs to Bambi now. We'll try again tomorrow.
I got inside and wouldn't you know it... did not break a single egg!
