08/19/2026
“Let him come to you” or “not over his head” - four innocent words, and yet they can land like a warning. Say them to a new guest and watch their face change, shoulders tighten, smile goes a little fixed, voice drops half an octave into “careful now” mode. They’ve heard or perceived fear, unpredictability, or even aggression, even though we meant only to be considerate.
Dogs read us, and often misread. If a guest tenses up because they think our dog might be a problem, our dog often mirrors that tension straight back - not because anything was wrong, but because we have just told them that something might be. The instruction itself isn’t the issue; it’s the perception it can create.
However, many people don't know how to interact with dogs in a mindful, considerate way, and often cross boundaries they didn't know existed. We often still need to give these instructions, even with tolerant dogs, and not just expect our dogs to tolerate (while patting ourselves on the back for how tolerant and good-natured our dog is).
So how do we best communicate:
Make it about preference, not risk. “She likes to do her own sniff-and-decide” or “if he does want you to touch him, he will let you know and prefers to have his chin or chest stroked” reads more as personality than risk.
Giving people something to do, rather than telling them what not not to do can also help them feel less worried or self-conscious.
Deliver with a positive framing, “Give her a minute and she may want to say hello” carries the same information as “don’t rush her,” but may be perceived with less tension.
Watch your own delivery - the calmest, most useful instruction still lands as a warning if you say it with a worried face. Dogs aren't the only ones trying to read the room; people do, too.
None of this changes what we’re actually asking guests to do. It just may change what they feel while doing it - and that feeling can be the difference between a dog who adjusts and settles more easily and one who spends the whole visit unsure why everyone’s acting strange.
For dogs who are indeed a bit more fearful or distrustful of strangers, the appropriateness and selectivity of interactions will need to be carefully considered, and instructions may differ, as may the delivery.
