07/17/2026
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT FROM YOUR LOCAL EXHAUSTED ANIMAL CONTROL
It is currently 100 degrees outside, which is officially the end of the world as we know it.
To give you an idea of how our day is going: Our Animal Control Officers are currently main lining a terrifying, heart-palpitating cocktail of Red Bull and Liquid IV into our veins. Why? Because we just chased a rogue Husky mix who was screaming like a human toddler and apparently decided 100-degree heat is the perfect weather to run a marathon across three different neighborhoods. We are hallucinating mirages. We are sweating through fabrics that were explicitly promised to be "moisture-wicking." We are fighting for our very lives out here.
Please, for our sanity and your pets' safety, review this mandatory survival guide:
✅ THE DOs (How to be a Hero)
DO the 5-Second Pavement Test. Place the back of your bare hand on the asphalt for 5 seconds. If you instinctively screech like a pterodactyl and pull it away, it’s too hot for Fido’s paws.
DO accept that your dog is now a couch potato. Today is not the day to train for the doggy Olympics. Point a fan directly at their face, put on a nature documentary, and let them live their best, lazy diva life.
DO become a canine bartender. Fresh water, ice cubes in the bowl, frozen peanut butter Kongs. If your Golden Retriever starts demanding a tiny paper umbrella in their water bowl, you give it to them.
DO triple-check your fences and gates. We are begging you. If our heat-stroked ACOs have to sprint after one more escaped Houdini today, they are going to spontaneously combust. Secure the perimeter!
❌ THE DON’Ts (How to Not Make Us Cry)
DON'T take them for a 2 PM jog. Listen, Kyle, we know you’re trying to crush your fitness goals, but Bruiser the English Bulldog does not want to go for a run at high noon. He wants a nap. Be like Bruiser. Walk them at dawn or dusk when the sun isn't actively trying to vaporize us.
DON'T do the "I'll just be in the store for a minute" thing. No. Absolutely not. A parked car in this weather is an oven on wheels. If we have to respond to a dog in a hot car today, we will channel our inner action movie star on your window.
DON'T play hairdresser with double-coated dogs. Step away from the clippers. Shaving a Husky, Malamute, or Golden Retriever destroys their coat's natural insulation (which actually keeps them cool) and leaves them exposed to sunburns. Plus, they will look ridiculous and we will judge you for it.
DON'T assume the outdoor doghouse is fine. A plastic igloo in 100-degree heat is just a slow cooker. Bring them inside! If your dog "isn't an inside dog," congratulations, today they are. Introduce them to the magic of central air.
Stay cool, stay inside,
