12/18/2025
You wouldn’t say, “Go give Uncle Joe a hug,” and when a child says, “No, I don’t feel comfortable. He makes me uncomfortable,” respond with, “Oh well, you have to hug him anyway,” right? Because we all understand that forcing unwanted physical interaction creates fear and anxiety.
Dogs are no different.
If a dog learns that every time they see a person, they are going to be forced into a social interaction they do not want, they are going to become more anxious, not less. That is how you create a dog that starts worrying about every stranger they see.
So instead, I teach something very different.
I teach my dog that if she looks at me, I will advocate for her. Eye contact means, “I have you.” And when she gives me that look, I remove her from the situation.
That training might look like working eye contact from 15 feet away from a person, then 10 feet, then 5 feet, then 1 foot. Each time she looks at me, we walk away. The next step is having a person approach us, I ask for eye contact when she is uncomfortable, and the person walks away.
Here is the part people miss. When I consistently advocate for an anxious dog and consistently protect her, I am building confidence. By not forcing her into situations where she has to hug her creepy uncle, I am teaching her that the world is predictable and that her signals matter. That is what actually makes dogs more confident and often more social in the long run.
What does the opposite is ignoring her boundaries. Touching her anyway. Baby talking her when I am asking for space.
Those interactions reinforce the idea that strangers are something to worry about, because they are unpredictable. They might touch you, they might not, but either way, you do not get a choice.
And just because she is not barking or growling does not mean she is comfortable. It means she is coping.
My goal is not for her to be pet by everyone. My goal is a dog that is confident, neutral, and trusts that I will protect her.
