05/13/2026
One of the more difficult lines to walk with our horses is understanding the difference between empathy and enabling.
I think sometimes, in our desire to be kind, we unintentionally avoid teaching horses the very life skills, which help them become safer, more confident, and better able to navigate life with humans.
From both a learning and nervous system perspective, confidence is not built through complete avoidance of pressure or challenge. Confidence develops when horses learn they can move through appropriate moments of uncertainty and return to physical and mental safely. A teacher once told me it’s important to lovingly see horses through to the other side of their trouble.
That does not mean force.
It does not mean over stimulation.
And it certainly does not mean punishment.
It means learning how to educate with physical and emotional feel of the horse with clarity and fairness.
To me, empathy says:
“I see what you’re feeling, and I’ll adjust how I teach.”
Enabling says:
“I won’t help you through discomfort because discomfort itself feels hard to witness.”
There is a difference.
Having a big heart for horses should never exclude education, boundaries, or responsibility….thoughtful education is part of compassion itself.
Kindness that avoids learning may feel gentle in the moment.
But kindness that teaches creates long-term safety and authentic relationships.
