06/20/2025
This is a powerful message....
I’ve done a lot of cruel things to horses in the past that I deeply regret.
It wasn’t out of malice, it was because it was what I was taught to do from the time I was a child.
However, my emotional regulation was poor and I often took out my frustration on horses and would justify harsh corrections by saying the horse was “being naughty” and “can’t get anyway with that.”
It led to a lack of self reflection because I could conveniently blame the horse for disrespecting me or claim that they knew better and were doing it on purpose.
I hit horses when they were bad. I was taught to knee horses in the gut if they bloated while girthing. I’ve punished horses for reactions that were out of pain or fear.
Because I viewed the unwanted behaviour as a bad thing that needed to be eradicated immediately rather than the symptom of the horse’s emotional state.
Dominance in horse training is very common.
Equestrians are often told things like “you need to be the herd leader” and “you have to show him who’s boss or he’ll walk all over you.”
All sorts of training gadgets, supplements, bits and equipment are also sold as solutions to problems.
People are often encouraged to ride through problem behaviours no matter what.
This focus on viewing unwanted behaviours as the horse trying to disrespect you turns the horse into your adversary when they aren’t being obedient.
Respect is then viewed as synonymous with obedient.
The horse doesn’t get to communicate as a partner when this is the case.
Horses get “loud” in their behaviour for a number of reasons.
Oftentimes, those reasons involve unmet needs and/or the handler missing earlier signs of stress.
Then, when stress builds to a boiling point, the horse reacts and this is viewed as unacceptable and punished accordingly.
I pushed horses into states of high stress for years and then punished them when they acted out.
I expected horses to be predictable and obedient even when I wasn’t meeting their needs.
I kept my first horse stalled for the majority of the time and then became frustrated when he would bolt with me under saddle and spook at everything.
It was due to a lack of knowledge and a lack of emotional control on my part.
And for years, I resisted the information that exposed the gaps in my understanding of horses because it felt threatening and I had a lot of deep seated guilt and shame.
But then, little by little, my perspective changed.
Once I knew better, I started to do better.
Making mistakes with horses doesn’t mean you’re doomed to repeat them forever.
People can and do change.
We don’t have to let guilt and shame overwhelm us to the point where we defend our behaviour and refuse to change out of fear of being vulnerable.
A lot of the people advocating for horse welfare the loudest right now are doing so because they’ve made a lot of the same mistakes.
You aren’t doomed to be a terrible person because you’ve been unkind to your horse.
What matters the most is how you self reflect and make adjustments once you do know better.
This is why I would love to see the industry adapt to be more horse welfare focused and normalize more education on horse behaviour and operant conditioning.
Most people don’t start out in horse sports wanting to harm horses.
Everyone is capable of changing and adapting.
Modernizing the horse world with an evidence informed perspective on horse welfare and training will benefit the horses AND people.
I am incredibly grateful for the people who relentlessly shared information that helped lead to me recognizing how I had gone wrong.
While I denied it initially, fought with them and commented in the same ways as many do in my comments sections now, their words planted seeds.
Seeds that matured into a major paradigm shift.
So, if fear of being labelled as a bad person is holding you back from being honest with yourself about toxic behaviour patterns, don’t let it.
The commitment to doing better by your horses is a noble journey and making that choice speaks for your love of horses.
Growth is sometimes messy and no one is born perfect.
I don’t advocate for welfare because I’ve always been this way.
I advocate for it because I have been on the other side and I wish I had learned earlier.
Top photo is me on my Arabian gelding at ~ age 15 (2011)
Bottom is Milo and me in 2024.
