07/31/2025
Three halters on a gate, it doesn't look like much. Actually, it doesn't look like anything. As a stand alone observation it is completely unremarkable.
But as I hung up that last halter on the left the other day I was struck by the reality of quiet progress. 5 weeks ago I was happy to just get Jasper calmly to the big field much less have him stand quietly to get his halter both off and back on again at the end of the day. And then it hit me...this time last year I wouldn't have dared to take him out back because it was too dysregulating for him and I didn't want to end up in a fight. (We used to have BIG fights)I'll be honest, I have not been able to do even half the things I was hoping to be able to do with this horse by now but when I think about all the steps it's taken to get him this far...I realize that three halters on a gate really means a lot.Β
Even before Jasper had his big "unpacking" of trauma and an emotional breakdown this was not something I felt comfortable doing. He was too "wound up" during turnout. He had little confidence in himself, his herd mates, his environment, and eventually me because I reprimanded what should have been supported. I could've said he was too much, I could've blamed him, I could've sent him back, but in the midst of his outbursts all I could see in his eyes was a horse that desperately wanted to be heard. A horse whose world was too unpredictable and made no sense to him.
Some of those goals I once had may never be reached; my ideas of fun and impressive replaced by the things that actually bring Jasper peace and joy, and a full life. So for now I will take that third halter on the gate with tears in my eyes and a grateful heart that I did not give up because there is light at the end the tunnel! I'm so grateful for this journey! I can't even begin to explain how this horse has reconnected me to parts of my soul that just like him, were desperately trying to be heard. A few months after he arrived God put a name on my heart for him but it honestly didn't make sense to me until we started down our R+ training journey- Revival Song.