10/23/2025
“The Day I Became a Banana” — by Squiggy 🍌
I don’t usually wake humans. I find them… inefficient before sunrise. But this morning, I had priorities. My stomach was writing poetry, and every verse said “Feed me.”
So, I padded over to Michelle’s door, gave a polite “boof,” and waited. Nothing. I gave it another minute—still nothing. So I escalated. One deep sigh, followed by my signature “single paw tap.” Finally, she cracked an eye open. Mission accomplished… or so I thought.
She mumbled something about “five more minutes.” Five turned into ninety. Ninety! That’s a lifetime in dog hours! By the time she finally rolled out of bed, I had rehearsed three protest speeches in my head and considered running for President of Hungry Dogs Anonymous.
But then—ah, redemption. She mixed my kibble with that glorious wet food. A perfect 50/50 ratio, served in my favorite bowl. I sat like the gentleman I am, staring directly into her soul, waiting for the sacred words: “Okay, eat.”
When she said it, I became a vacuum. I’m pretty sure I broke the sound barrier. Breakfast—obliterated.
Next up: our morning constitutional. The weather was perfect, the smells divine, and yes… mission accomplished. I even left my paw print signature in the grass. A professional job, if I do say so myself.
But just when I thought the day couldn’t get better, Michelle pulled out… the banana.
Not a treat. Not a toy. A costume.
Before I could protest, I was halfway zipped into this yellow nonsense. I looked at her like, “Michelle, I am a dignified creature. A scholar. A philosopher of naps.” She just smiled and said, “Oh my god, you look adorable.”
Then came the photoshoot. She kept saying “hold still,” but how could I? I was busy questioning every decision that led to this moment. Still, I must admit… she laughed. A real, happy laugh. And I kind of liked that. So I sat tall, chest out, a banana among dogs.
When she sent the photos to my parents, I overheard her say, “He’s doing amazing.” And honestly? She wasn’t wrong.
I may be a rescue with a serious face and a selective heart, but with Michelle around… I guess it’s okay to be a little a-peeling. 🍌
— Respectfully yours,
Sir Squiggy, Defender of Breakfast and Destroyer of Dignity (in costume only).
