09/21/2025
🔥🔥To my fellow smol doggos:
Are you tired of getting “shorted” by your United Puppy Snacks driver?
Are you sick of being forced to scurry about for the crumbs that fall from the mouths of the large doggos who seem to get all of the treats?
My name is Cupcake. I am the official mascot of Bells Up Winery in Newberg, Oregon and I am here to show all you smol doggos how to use your petite size to take your biscuit extraction hustle to the next level and reclaim that which is rightfully yours. Stop settling for less!
Maximizing your biscuit yield is a simple, comprehensive four-step process which involves Visualization, Vocalization, Levitation and Location. Let’s break them down.
1-Visualization: If you’ve got it, flaunt it! Put that cuteness and big floofer hair to work! Wiggle that butt, dance on those hind legs, and use your agility and footwork to make yourself irresistible. Be the queen that you were meant to be, and the driver will be putty in your paws!
2-Vocalization: Use your shrill, incessant, high-pitched yipping bark to beat your drivers eardrums into submission. What you lack in size, you make up for in VOLUME. If your driver is desperate enough, he will want to gag you to hush you up. Let him gag you with a biscuit!
3-Levitation: My driver Scott Hodges knows that he cant start the engine if I am in the drivers seat, and he cant drive away if I am perched on the dashboard. Its MY truck, he just drives it, and if he gets stingy with my biscuits I have no problem with parking myself in his way until he gets so desperate that he tosses a handful of treats out the door in order to get me to leave!
4-Location: All UPS drivers have a stash. It might be biscuits or it might be their own lunch. You dont care either way. Use your smol size, agility and keen nose to locate and access that stash, no matter what tiny nook or cranny your driver may have hidden it in. If you find the biscuits...help yourself. If you find his lunch...help yourself. If he goes hungry because he was too cheap to buy biscuits...better him than you! His hunger will motivate him to make better choices in the future and remind him of the simple fact that, though you may be smol in size, when it comes to the biscuits you are LARGE and IN CHARGE!
!
