01/16/2026
If you love animals, you love animals!!
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"I'm a dog groomer. Client brings in the same "dog" every month. It's clearly a raccoon. Nobody will acknowledge this.
First appointment, January. Woman scheduled a "Pomeranian mix" grooming.
Brought in a raccoon. Actual raccoon. In a dog carrier.
I stared. "Ma'am, that's"
"His name is Biscuit. Just a trim please. He gets matted."
My manager was standing right there. Nodded. "Standard Pomeranian package?"
"Yes please."
I groomed a raccoon. It was surprisingly cooperative. Probably used to it.
Charged her $65. She tipped $20.
Biscuit returns monthly. Same routine. Nobody mentions the obvious.
Other groomers wash him. Trim his nails. Brush his teeth. We have before/after photos displayed. "Biscuit - Pomeranian Mix."
He's visibly a raccoon. Black mask. Ringed tail. Hands instead of paws. Eats from the trash can in our break room.
New employee started last week. Saw Biscuit's appointment.
"Why is there a raccoon on the schedule?"
Everyone went quiet.
Manager said, "That's Biscuit. He's a Pomeranian mix."
"But he's literally"
"A valued client. Who pays on time. Do we have a problem?"
New girl didn't argue.
Yesterday, health inspector came. Routine check. Saw Biscuit getting a blowout.
"Is that a raccoon?"
Owner didn't look up. "Pomeranian mix."
Inspector wrote something. Left.
We passed inspection.
I've been here four years. Groomed Biscuit 48 times. He's objectively a raccoon.
But on paper? Pomeranian mix.
And everyone just..... accepts this.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm insane. If we're all collectively hallucinating.
But then Biscuit shows up. Climbs onto the grooming table using his weird little hands. Chatters at me.
And I wash him. Style his fur. Send him home looking fabulous.
Because apparently this is my life now.
Professional raccoon groomer.
Pretending it's a dog.
For $65 plus tip.
Every month.
Forever."
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By Mary Nelson
