01/16/2026
Finding your Connection Points
Cheetah is my most sensitive horse, which makes her so fun to interact withโฆ but it also means that on windy days, she tends to be easily distracted by the sights/sounds/smells churned up around her. Itโs not an uncommon โissueโ. Many folks avoid riding or working with their horses at all when itโs windy. However, in my pursuit of developing a truly unconditional relationship, I want to embrace the challenges and find ways to connect despite obstacles.
Cheetah and I have a lot of language and trust between us. If I needed to, I could hold her anxiety and micromanage her body into compliance. But that doesnโt help her truly feel safer. Instead, Iโm striving to create a space of comfort and clarity so strong that it allows the external inputs to fade away.
You may have experienced this with an excellent conversationalist. When the conversation is interesting, engaging, and comfortable, the whole world fades out of focus and you may look around and see the room has gone empty. That is the kind of conversationalist I strive to be for my horses. Can I offer a conversation so compelling that the horse finds comfort in focusing and engaging completely.
So what does this look like in practice?
Lately weโve been working on maintaining rhythm, shape, and softness in her body while circling and through changes of direction. This requires me to be attuned to each part of her body and be able to โtalkโ to each part independently, without having a physical point of contact. It requires her to be attuned to my body, energy, voice, and highly specified cues.
This is a big ask when Iโm competing with the wind for attention. So on these days, even more than usual, itโs crucial that I utilize a Connection Point - a behavior that is easy to succeed at and where we can both find comfort. It can be anything, and often changes from day to day. Whatโs easy on one day might be challenging on another day.
This is where art meets science. The science of behavioral psychology can tell us that interspersing easy tasks among difficult tasks will create momentum and motivation in learningโฆ but the art requires us to feel what the easy or difficult task is in each individual period.
Often my Connection Point with Cheetah at liberty is to simply match steps. This is something that in almost any environment, Cheetah can tune into and succeed. It helps to ground and refocus her on the conversation between us. So on a windy day with lots of distractions, Iโll start with our Connection Point โ matching steps โ until I feel her relax into our conversation. Then I'll ask a more difficult question, like shaping the circle, then return to our Connection Point early and often. Using task interspersal increases the odds of success in difficult tasks because succeeding at the easy tasks creates more opportunities for reinforcement, builds confidence, and reduces frustration compared to just trying to tackle the more difficult task.
So instead of abandoning the conversation altogether when your horse indicates theyโre not focused on you, try to find a Connection Point. Something easy you can do together to get the conversation started. If thatโs all you do, then youโve successfully stretched your ability to connect with your horse in a difficult environment. If you feel good in your Connection Point and want to try a more involved conversation, then try interspersing easy/hard tasks and return to your Connection Point often.
