The Holdaway

01/11/2022

RIP Morag ❤️

12/04/2017

They shut us down 3 years ago due to baseless allegations that DJ Kochi was molesting girls on the dance floor, but this weekend we're back and better than ever. Our new DJ cat only has three legs, but all three of them are on the decks, dropping this autumn's sexist sounds, including the Rag'n'Bone hour from 1-2am. The Holdaway - Epuni's hottest nightclub - tomorrow from 8pm.

12/07/2014

And that's a wrap for the Holdaway: Epuni's hottest nightclub. Turns out having a cat as your sole DJ isn't good for business. Also, he kept inappropriately touching drunk girls in the toilets. If you liked our mix of sh*tty music and overpriced beverages, then why not head on down the road to the Whittington: Fairfield's (new) home of the durry, or the Ni-le. Tell 'em I sent ya.

04/07/2014

Come on down to the Holdaway for our first ever EDM garage sale. We've got bargains galore starting from the low low price of two for $18, including:
1. Authentic Christmas tree. Good for cat food, hiding behind, and attracting out-of-season gifts.
2. Road cones. Perfect for late night football or as novelty headwear. Purchase two and we'll throw in a free night in the cells.
3. How about this nice stick and ball?Good for hitting.
4. Versatile indoor/outdoor spa. Perfect for homo-erotic outdoor activities and sensual indoor massages. Comes with three bonus air holes, to increase cardiovascular strength. Good for floating iPod touches in.
5. Near-new beyblade stadium, including all your favourite beyblades such as 'Gravity Destroyer' and 'that one that Hugo kept saying the name of loudly'. Only been vomited in once.

Entry is free before midnight. $5 VIP entry after midnight gets you a free Red Bull Vodka and abuse from DJ kochi p.
Only at The Holdaway: Epuni's hottest nightclub/discount retailer.

07/06/2014

It's hard being a nightclub in a suburb most people try to avoid. So we're now the country's first combined nightclub and cattery. Hosted by Kochi, your cat can stay in comfort for just $7 per day. Then in the evening, your cat can attempt to pick up other cats at the nightclub, while enjoying half price Red Bull Vodkas. Only at The Holdaway - Epuni's Hottest Cattery.

05/04/2014

Hey guys, pics are up from last night. TAG YOUR MATES! Don't forget to show up early tonight, THE HOWLERs - Lower Hutt's premier accordion trio - take the stage at 4.45pm. How much more raging could this weekend get? And the answer is none. None more raging. Only at the Holdaway - Epuni's hottest nightclub/home of the durry.

16/02/2014

Introducing the new Holdaway Sunday special: the McDurry. Call your cabbie and tell him to get here pronto. Only $4.95 for a limited time only, or $4.50 for a softpack. Only at the Holdaway - Epuni's #1 frozen smokes retailer since 2012 (Closed Sundays).

06/02/2014

Hey guys its 7s week so get ready to party at Epuni's hottest nightclub. We've lined up some pretty big performers for the weekend starting with WELLINGTON BUSKER #3 tomorrow night. WELLINGTON BUSKER #3 will be playing all your easy-listening favourites accompanied by his drum machine and his Dunhill Switches so get ready to put your fu***ng hands up.

We're also introducing happy hour for under 18s. From 1-2am, children drink for free. Only at THE HOLDAWAY - THE OFFICIAL NEW ZEALAND HOME OF THE KENYA 7s TEAM

The Wellington Busker at the Sunday Market.

09/01/2014

THANKS TO OUR POLICY OF RACIAL INCLUSION IT WAS A HUGE WEDNESDAY WHICH MEANS AN EVEN BIGGER THURSDAY IS UPON US!

A REMINDER THAT WE DO WELCOME WOMEN TO OUR CLUB AS WELL AS MEN. DESPITE WHAT OUR PHOTOS SUGGEST, THIS IS NOT A GAY BAR.

REMEMBER, THURSDAYS ARE FREE MEAT DAYS, THANKS TO SOME C**T IN THE NEW WORLD BUTCHERY DEPARTMENT. THAT MEANS MEATPACK GIVEAWAYS AT 11, 1, and 3.

VIP OFFERS FOR ALL
$10 JAGER BOMBS
$10 SKITTLE BOMBS
$18 RBV FOR TWO

THE PARTY IS OFFICIALLY ON! WAIWHETU ROAD'S BEST DJS FROM 10

08/01/2014

Sweaty upper lip?
Poor grasp of English?
Like to hang out in packs?
Don't like buying drinks?
Unfortunate tendency to seedily hit on girls way out of your league?

Then come to the Holdaway, Epuni's least discriminating nightclub. While other more 'upmarket' clubs are beginning to practice racial discrimination against their clientele, we welcome people of all races (except the Dutch).

The Holdaway - "it's ok, one of our friends is Indian"

09/11/2013

At the Holdaway tonight we have Fairfield's hottest DJs:
11am-1am DJ C-ram
1am-3am Double Decks Dutton
3am-7am J-Droppie

We have a special on vodka red bulls, 2 for $18 or 4 for $60. Even better, get our VIP upgrade featuring a free Big Boom Box for only $35

Tonight we're introducing a kissing booth featuring Sean from the Exchange. $1 to kiss and children kiss for free.

Doors open at 11, come at 10.45 to see the doors open.

23/10/2013

To all our aesthetically-minded customers we at the Holdaway are happy to announce a brand new health product: VODKA LIPOSUCTIONS*. Worried about the carb/sugar content of your RedBull Vodka, Vodka Lemonade, or other favourite drink? Don't worry - for every ml of alcohol you ingest, we'll suck out a gram of fat free of charge. Keeping you looking hot for summer - EXCLUSIVELY AT THE HOLDAWAY.

*Liposuctions are performed on-site at the Holdaway by a first-year med student. Results/survival rates may vary.