07/08/2025
Some very good questions in this post to ask ourselves when considering working with our horses.
Many of the same points can be applied to working with our dogs (and other animals in our care as pets or companions, or that we use for sport/competition) too.
Tank has been my teacher for many years, in honor of her passing i'm sharing the many lessons she's taught me.
Today's lesson is about give and take and compromise. When i first got Tank i very much had the mentality of "she should do it because i ask, because she loves me, because i care for her". I quickly discovered that whether i used R- or pure R+ or a combination of both, i could easily set Tank up to do things for me she was truly not ready for. She would push herself as hard as she could for me and then break into and explosive gallop away because she just couldn't keep it together anymore.
I learned to moderate my own training, not to focus on what i'm convincing her to do for me, but rather finding comfort, relaxation, and even fun in the games we do TOGETHER. I had to learn what was worth pushing her for and what was not. This became an ethics game, more than a training game. Because i could convince Tank to comply, but she would be on edge and emotional. I knew with enough work and practice she could overcome some of that, but there were things it was important to do this for and things it was not.
I first had to ask myself, why does she not want to do this? Does she understand? Is she physically capable? Is she emotionally capable? Is there a competing factor in the evironment? Which legitimate reason does she have for finding this behavior difficult or stressful?
Then i had to ask myself, who is this behavior for? Is it for her health, safety, and wellness? Is it for my safety? Or is it for my fun and enjoyment?
How fast do we need this? Is it a big emergency health problem? Is it a health thing we have time to work on? Or is it just for fun and we can take the slooowwww road?
I had to learn, when is it appropriate or even necessary to push, to use more coercive R+, limiting choices, accepting mild stress signals and working through it. And when it was not appropriate. When she needed a more slow, steady gentle path to bring her over. When i need to let something go because it wasn't for her.
Ultimately Tank is super cooperative for all of her health care. She had a year i needed to do DAILY injections for allergies, within the first week she started galloping up, excited for needle time! She does hoof care like a pro, teaches all the kids to clean hooves. She loves the vet so much she tries to get her to come play with her when they are actually here for another horse.
Tank loves tricks and brain game training, this is fun for her. Tank is a pro at agility, but only when the weather is right. Too buggy or too windy and it's stressful for her. This is where compromise sets in. Agility is for fun for me (and our kids). She enjoys it, but there are days she doesn't, so we don't.
Then finally riding. She finds this extremely stressful. She tolerated riding as best she could, holding in her anxiety. We could have spent the year focused on breaking this down and making it something she could handle. But she hated things over her head, she hated the stress of having to keep her human safe, she was overwhelmed by the experience. And riding was just for me. So we let that go into the wind. Our relationship had so much more, so much we both love and find fun in. We could let that go.