29/08/2025
Dear clients, please have mercy with us trimmers! đ
THE UNOFFICIAL HCP SURVIVAL KIT: HOW TO KEEP YOUR HOOF CARE PROVIDER ALIVE (BARELY)
(Because apparently rasping 1,200kg of metabolic ambiguity every week takes a toll.)
Your hoof care provider is a resilient species. They operate in silence, kneel in mud, and absorb more equine dysfunction than your average field vet and therapist combined. But even they have limits. Here's how to keep yours from quietly dissolving behind the wheel of their van.
1. Snacks. Always Snacks.
Hoof care providers are powered by caffeine, pocket lint, and sheer will. If youâve got a flapjack, hand it over. If not, offer haylage or fence post bark â theyâll understand.
2. Clean, Dry Horses.
Nothing says âI respect your spineâ like a horse that isnât caked in five layers of damp archaeology. Bonus points if theyâre caught before the trimmer arrives. Double if they donât bolt.
3. The Sacred Square Surface.
Your HCP has trimmed on gravel driveways, sloped patios, soft bog, and once â by necessity â a trampoline base. A flat surface is not a luxury. Itâs a form of love.
4. Donât Say âWhile Youâre HereâŠâ
They came for one horse. Youâve now released a herd of seven, all overdue and two of them unhandled since 2020. This isnât a surprise party. Itâs a slow-motion ambush.
5. Tea. But Not Too Much.
Yes, a hot drink is divine. But too many offers and youâve created an obligation loop. Now theyâre trimming with one hand, holding a mug with the other, and quietly resenting your hospitality.
6. Speaking of Backs â Theyâre Broken.
Your HCP currently has:
One shoulder held together by kinesiology tape
Two knees on extended notice
A hip that speaks Latin when it rotates
They will never admit it. Just assume theyâre in discomfort. Offer ibuprofen. Or a qualified osteopath who makes house calls.
7. Donât Ask âIs This Normal?â Unless You Want the Truth.
The white line shouldnât be black. The frog shouldnât smell like compost. If youâre not ready for the answer, offer biscuits and a subject change.
8. Eye Contact and Emotional Containment.
Try not to lock eyes during a difficult hind. Theyâve seen things. Let them focus on the hoof and mentally detach as needed.
9. Say Thank You.
Just once. No need for a parade. But after the horse has stood like a swaying giraffe on cobbles for 45 minutes, a quick âThanks, I donât know how you do itâ can keep an HCP emotionally upright for up to 6 weeks.
BONUS TIP:
Never refer to their job as âjust a trim.â That phrase alone has driven six of them into full-time goat rescue.