25/05/2026
Dear Dog Owner: Let Them Judge You
From my own conversations with people and my own experiences with dogs, I know how intense the impact of feeling judged can be. We are surrounded by tons of advice from everyone about what we should be doing with our dogs. If our dog doesn’t have issues, we are considered experienced, knowledgeable, and capable. But as soon as there is a problem, we suddenly notice that we are literally surrounded by "experts" and "specialists."
There is the neighbor who watched The Dog Whisperer, the friend who had a Staffy five years ago, the work colleague who follows a "balanced" trainer on YouTube, or the parent who raised kids and therefore assumes they obviously know how to handle dogs. Then comes the usual criticism: you are being too soft, or you are letting the dog control you.
Let’s think for a moment about these people. Why does their opinion matter to us so much, and should we really care?
Sometimes it takes only a single situation or a passing comment for an owner to feel embarrassed and guilty. But it’s often not just about that single moment. People who deal with reactivity, aggression, or other behavioral problems go through a massive emotional journey. The doubt starts early. They worry that their decisions were made too soon, that they didn’t do enough research, or that they should have hired a trainer earlier. Maybe they did hire a trainer, but that person turned out to lack appropriate qualifications. Or perhaps the owner used tools that seemed attractive in advertisements; even if it didn't feel right at first, the marketing convinced them that without these tools, the problem would escalate.
The modern world is incredibly noisy and complicated, both for our dogs and for us. An owner can do their absolute best and finally find a great specialist to work with, but there are so many things an outsider simply cannot see. A dog's behavioral problems significantly impact our social lives, strain us financially, and take a heavy toll on our mental health. Frankly, the owner of one dog with severe behavioral problems probably knows 100 times more about dog behavior than a person who has owned 15 easy dogs without serious issues.
And yes, while there are cases where training methods and owner reactions affect behavior, there is also a massive population of dogs who come with medical and behavioral issues due to irresponsible breeding, trauma, or a lack of socialization from breeders or previous owners. Dogs, just like humans, are not blank slates. They arrive as a unique package of traits shaped by genetics and their early environment. In fact, many qualified professionals started their journeys precisely because of that one "special" dog who forced them to research and learn.
You cannot change every dog. As amazing as that would be, it is simply not reality. Look at how diverse humans are. We all have different experiences, we are wired differently, and those differences should be appreciated rather than criticized. Every individual brings something precious to our world. Similarly, dogs are living beings with distinct experiences, personalities, and temperaments. It would be wonderful to have the answer to every problem and to help every single dog, but we know that isn't how the world works. Humans who struggle with mental health can spend years in therapy to find better coping mechanisms and skills. This doesn't mean they are "fixed," nor does it mean they are defined by their traumas. Everyone remains a unique individual.
So, how is it that after knowing all of this and putting in so much hard work, we can still get so upset?
Well, humans are extremely social beings. Since the days of our earliest ancestors, we have lived in groups. Group living helped us survive, allowed us to hunt effectively, protected us from predators, and ensured we cared for the sick. This history shaped a powerful evolutionary need to belong. In the past, being harshly judged could eventually lead to being left out of the group—which meant death. Judgment triggers a deep fear of rejection, and if someone has experienced rejection earlier in life, a negative comment can spark an incredibly strong emotional reaction.
We also live in a world that tells us we must do everything perfectly. Influencers dictate what we should eat and weigh, advertisements tell us how to dress, and media platforms project lifestyles of wealthy people without showing the full picture. This constant pressure heavily impacts our expectations, creating the illusion. Similar thing applies to owning a dog. An illusion of the "perfect dog"—a dog who tolerates every sound, every guest, and every environment. And their owner who is never wrong, is available 24 hours for training, enrichment, play and relaxation. We are of course aiming for the best but it is impossible to be perfect all the time.
Currently, a significant number of people on social media are fighting back against this "perfect person" agenda. Women of all different body shapes and looks are showing that beauty isn't confined to a size extra-small. They are reminding us that if you don't exercise every day, or if your mental health isn't great, you are still amazing. The exact same applies to dogs! We have to slowly unlearn this toxic idea of the perfect dog.
Another hurdle is the "spotlight effect." Because we live entirely within our own experiences, we view the world from our own slightly egocentric perspective. We assume that what we are focused on is exactly what everyone else is looking at. We hyper-fixate on our weaknesses and believe that this is the only thing others see. For a dog owner, this can be damaging. After working consistently every single day, a minor mistake might happen during a walk. Because we focus on it so intensely, we get the impression that everyone else is judging us solely on that one mistake. This mindset can easily lead to withdrawal, avoidance, and giving up on training sessions. But when we truly look around, we can see that we are surrounded by people who are struggling every day, and every single one of them makes mistakes.
So, before you take someone’s comment or unfriendly look personally, please pause and think.
First of all, none of these people are living your life. Ninety-nine percent of them have never owned a dog with behavioral problems, and the vast majority hold absolutely no qualifications in animal behavior. Some of them might say something simply because they lack manners, or because they are having a bad day themselves. Others might genuinely want to help, but they simply do not know the right way to say it. And yes, unfortunately, there are plenty of people within the dog industry who, despite having technical knowledge, struggle to apply an empathetic approach when working with human clients.
Even the most highly qualified, experienced, and empathetic behavior specialist cannot entirely put themselves in your shoes. They don't live your life, and even with the best listening skills, they are not you. Only you know what your reality truly feels like.
So please, even when you feel overwhelmed and scared of how people see you, remember this: you are doing so much for your dog. No one truly knows what it takes to be you. Please do not give up. Keep doing this amazing work, and keep learning from your mistakes. Stick close to the people who support you, and protect your peace from those who drag your mood down. Look at your dog’s face and remember that they appreciate you exactly as you are. Cherish the years you have together—we never truly know how much time we get with them before they cross the rainbow bridge.
In the end, let them judge you. People's opinions cannot change the reality of the love, effort, and dedication you pour into your companion every single day. Let others think what they want, let them live their own lives, and let go of the need for their approval. Instead, focus your energy where it truly matters: appreciate every single moment you have with your dog, keep doing your absolute best, and surround yourself only with qualified professionals and supportive friends and family who truly lift you up.
