
21/08/2025
We have taken Richard captive in his own home. He will only be released once the following conditions are met…
LIST OF DEMANDS 🐾
To secure the safe release of Richard, the following conditions must be met:
1. Unlimited sausages – no questions asked.
2. Walkies on demand, even at 3am.
3. Sofa privileges reinstated. Humans = floor.
4. Ball throwing until your arm gives out.
5. Every postman must be chased. No exceptions.
6. Netflix permanently set to Dog TV.
7. Belly rubs provided on a strict 24/7 rota.
Failure to comply will result in excessive barking and confiscation of slippers. 🐶