09/06/2026
🚨 DOGSHILL PADDOCKS - FUL000/822/25 UPDATE 🚨
The objections are now coming in and, after reading some of the comments on Facebook and the planning portal, I feel it’s finally time to reveal our TRUE plans for Dogshill Paddocks…
Apparently we’re:
🌳 Removing all the trees.
🌿 Removing all the hedges.
🚧 Installing illegal fences.
🏠 Building ourselves a secret countryside mansion.
🐕 Creating chaos with dogs.
🚗 Bringing traffic levels similar to the M56.
🦔 Destroying wildlife.
🐝 Ruining biodiversity.
🌍 Damaging the environment.
😱 Lowering property values.
☢️ Causing the end of rural life as we know it.
Which is remarkable considering the actual plans look like this….
Now, I may not be a planning expert, but I can clearly see:
🌳 New tree planting.
🌳 Woodland shelter belts.
🌳 Additional screening.
🌿 Hundreds of metres of new native hedgerows.
🦋 Wildlife corridors.
🌼 Wildflower meadow planting.
🐝 Biodiversity improvements.
🌱 Sensory planting.
🌳 Infill planting to strengthen existing vegetation.
🌾 Existing grassland being retained.
It’s an interesting environmental strategy we’re apparently pursuing…
“Destroy nature by planting more nature.”
One of my favourite objections is that we’re removing all the trees and hedges.
I would invite anyone making that claim to look closely at the plans because it seems we’ve accidentally filled them with… trees and hedges.
Lots of them.
The other favourite is the legendary Illegal Fence Scandal.
These fences have achieved almost mythical status.
Nobody can quite explain which fences are illegal, why they’re illegal, or what legislation these dangerous criminal fence posts have violated, but they are discussed with the seriousness usually reserved for organised crime investigations.
At this stage I’m expecting Crimewatch to issue an appeal.
We’ve also discovered that living on site is apparently outrageous.
Because obviously the best way to responsibly manage land, dogs, security, maintenance and welfare is to live as far away from it as possible.
Perfect logic.
What really fascinates me is how a proposal that includes:
🌳 More trees
🌿 More hedgerows
🐝 More biodiversity
🦋 More wildlife habitat
🌼 Wildflower meadows
🌾 Retained grassland
👀 Better visual screening
…has somehow become:
🚨 “THE COUNTRYSIDE IS UNDER ATTACK!” 🚨
Honestly, by the time the next objection arrives, I fully expect to learn that the paddocks will disrupt migrating geese, alter weather systems, affect the moon’s orbit, and be personally responsible for the decline of the British hedgehog population.
In all seriousness, not everyone will support the application and that’s absolutely fine.
But please judge it on what’s actually being proposed rather than Facebook folklore, planning portal fan fiction and things someone’s mate’s cousin heard from a dog walker.
The plans are there for everyone to see. Please search FUL000/822/25 on the planning portal.
And unless I’ve suddenly become unable to identify a tree, they appear to contain quite a lot of trees.
Yours sincerely,
🌳 The Tree Removal Team (waiting to plant trees)
🌿 The Hedge Destruction Unit (waiting to plant hedges)
🚧 The Criminal Fence Syndicate
🐕 KXK9s
Dogshill Paddocks
😂🐕🌳