05/02/2021
I felt so much shame around this but I value being transparent & know that shame thrives in darkness. I had to remind myself that no one is perfect. You are allowed to be imperfect, give yourself permission.
I am sharing this because I live to stand in my truth.
Recently I’ve ended a 9 month relationship that has taught me a lot.
Two months into the relationship my intuition began to tell me that something was off.
I ignored the gut feeling because I wanted to believe the best in the person I loved, cared for and saw a future with. As I continued to give my whole self to the relationship I could tell in my body something was wrong. I felt exhausted, anxious, confused, irritated, lower self esteem and had a difficult time focusing on my work. I didn't feel myself, my soul felt sad and I had this underlying feeling that I was not free.
The more I reached out to friends for support, researched & reflected on my experiences, I began to see the manipulation, pathological lying, condescending remarks, gaslighting & infidelity.
Heres the thing, some abuse is subtle, you cant see it, you just begin to feel the effects over time.
Since making this decision, i feel so light, I feel free, i feel in alignment & I feel me again.
Heres what I learned:
TRUST YOURSELF. You don't need physical evidence when something feels off.
Your support circle are the humans who will help you realize you are not alone, even if a significant other makes you feel that way.
Stay true to yourself no matter what and trust that you will feel better (and find better 😉)
Don’t feel guilty for not seeing it all & leaving sooner. Be gentle with yourself.
thank you for letting me transparent with you.❤️