Barbed Wire and Hospital Rooms

05/07/2024

I am struggling lately. I’m working full time despite my health issues and I’m chronically exhausted. When I bought my house I bought the cheapest house I could find. I searched for two years before buying. It was an excellent deal and in pretty good shape. I carefully budgeted and it was tight but doable. Since I bought, the price of everything has rocketed upwards and now I’m not making it. I’m chronically out of money before I am out of month. I turned 60 in May and decided to take my pension early since I could use the extra money and my dad never got a penny of his. My pension is shockingly small and then when it came it was even less than my confirmation letter said it would be. Almost $100 less! So I got just over $300 for CPP. I can see that I shall never be able to retire and I can also see that I will not be able to continue to work indefinitely. I don’t know what choices I have. Perhaps I should take MAID -medical assistance in dying when I become unable to work any longer. Wouldn’t the government love that! They wouldn’t even have to pay me the pittance I already get. I’m depressed because I don’t really see a way out of this. I don’t think I would do well in a homeless camp. My arthritis would render me immobile in the cold and I would likely freeze come winter. Perhaps I should slink into the woods and build a tiny cabin on crown land. But again I can’t see myself chopping wood and hauling water with my disabilities. It appeals to me more than living in a tent in a city park. How would I get food and necessities into the woods without my shack being found and destroyed. Should I go to a nursing home? I’m not keen on that either. It would feel like jail after my independent life. The world isn’t kind to people who choose to be single and try to survive on a single income. But my experience with marriage has scarred me against ever going that route again. I have toyed with the notion of selling my house in 5 years and moving to a place in Newfoundland. Houses are inexpensive there and in some areas there are no property taxes. But, I would be even more lonely than I already am. Plus food, heat, electricity, internet, insurance and fuel all add up to more than I can make. I have never been financially comfortable in my life and sometimes death seems preferable to the endless, hopeless struggle. But I am stubborn and not a quitter. I keep desperately searching for a solution. At the moment my youngest kid and their significant other are living with me. They pay rent and buy some groceries. They talk about getting a place of their own which is the natural order of things but when they go I will have to find a way to stretch my funds even further. I need to get rid of things and I suppose not have my pets either. Truly I can’t afford them either. But animals have always been an important part of my life. I have been a Registered Veterinary Technician for over 25 years. I can’t physically do the job any longer and I have been clinging to my credentials and paying the association fees out of foolish hope. This year I officially retired but to my surprise I still had to pay almost $300 in professional dues. I guess next year I will have to recuse myself and lose those stupid precious letters RVT, behind my name. I feel ashamed, I feel like a failure. But I have always done the best that I can. Is that failure when you can say that? I start a week of holidays tonight but I can’t afford to go anywhere and I feel no excitement at all. The only thing I look forward to is getting a reasonable amount of sleep. Well that’s the situation right now. Pity party of one. I post this here because almost no one sees it and I can keep my shame hidden.

15/06/2023

My mom ‘kidnapped’ my cat Foxy about 5 years ago when I was moving and the two of them were best buddies. When my mom passed in April I took her in again and I have been struggling to control her hyperthyroidism and get her to gain weight. At first I was using the ointment that is applied to the inside of the ear but that wasn’t doing enough and she developed congestive heart failure. It was possible that it might reverse to a degree if her thyroid was controlled and she was started on a higher dose of thyroid tablets and lasix to help keep her lungs from filling with fluid. Yesterday she was acting very needy and wanted to be held or to sit on my lap. Suddenly she fell off my desk and I noticed her pupils were huge. I expect she had some kind of stroke like episode. She is utterly blind. She is still eating and drinking and using her litter box and her heart symptoms have actually improved in the past few days and now this. I am torn about what to do. I’m leaning toward euthanasia but she is my last connection to my mom and she is still the most loving and sweet cat.

07/01/2020

Today I went and picked up a diamond grit blade as the metal blade for the reciprocal saw wasn’t making headway through the cast iron pipe. It worked much better and got through it in very short or…

07/01/2020

Update

Plumbing has been an issue all along. The kitchen sink was disconnected and showed evidence of having leaked. The bathtub was in frightening condition. A cast iron beast with a completely destroyed…

22/07/2019

So as I mentioned the house was built in 1860 and has a summer kitchen plus a regular kitchen. The kitchen is bright and cheerful, however, the cupboards are mismatched and the main cabinetry dates to the 1950's. The floor is not level and is severely damaged under the cupboards from a prior leak from the sink. The cupboards will have to be removed, the floor rebuilt and levelled and New cabinetry and counter top installed. [ 59 more words ]

So as I mentioned the house was built in 1860 and has a summer kitchen plus a regular kitchen. The kitchen is bright and cheerful, however, the cupboards are mismatched and the main cabinetry dates…

19/07/2019

So we have been searching for a place to live for quite a while. My twin sister is normally not adventurous and has never ever been one to take risks. That's why it was such a surprise when she decided to go look at a property that was 4 1/2 hours away and then she bought it and moved there!! However, once I saw the place I completely understood. [ 1,413 more word ]

So we have been searching for a place to live for quite a while. My twin sister is normally not adventurous and has never ever been one to take risks. That’s why it was such a surprise when s…

15/07/2019

So we are starting a new adventure. We have purchased an older home built in 1860. The house is beautiful but is in serious need of updating and I think we will have our hands full turning it into a home.

02/03/2019

I first started feeling REALLY unwell in mid-December 2018, but in retrospect small things had been happening for quite a bit longer. I had severe, almost crippling episodes of fatigue, I was diagnosed with dry eyes and shortly after I was also diagnosed with dry mouth and a generous number of cavities which are the usual result of dry mouth. [ 245 more words ]

I first started feeling REALLY unwell in mid-December 2018, but in retrospect small things had been happening for quite a bit longer. I had severe, almost crippling episodes of fatigue, I was diagn…

30/01/2019

We have a sizeable flock of laying hens. Some were purchased from a hatchery as ready to lay pullets. Some were raised from day old chicks. Some were purchased from people in the area and several were pity rescues from a batch of discarded battery layers. These were pitiful creatures with no feathers and no idea of how to be a chicken. [ 508 more words ]

We have a sizeable flock of laying hens. Some were purchased from a hatchery as ready to lay pullets. Some were raised from day old chicks. Some were purchased from people in the area and several w…

21/01/2019

Eggsciting!

We have lots of eggs and every now and then something goes awry and we end up with a weird looking egg. It is always fun to crack open the weird ones and see what’s inside!

17/01/2019

I was working on building a horse shelter with my twin sister. We built it mainly with wood that we had scavenged from our local dump. Most of the boards appeared to have once been a deck or a dock judging by the flaking stain remaining on one side of them. However, there was the occasional hardwood board hiding amongst them. [ 1,207 more word ]

I was working on building a horse shelter with my twin sister. We built it mainly with wood that we had scavenged from our local dump. Most of the boards appeared to have once been a deck or a dock…

16/01/2019

I have had some sage advice from my now deceased Father and Uncle who both liked to give advice and tell wonderful stories. Doug Knowlton: My father was a deep thinker. I believe this was because he spent a full year in the hospital in isolation at Sick Kids in Toronto when he became sick with polio when he was eight. [ 1,181 more word ]

I have had some sage advice from my now deceased Father and Uncle who both liked to give advice and tell wonderful stories. Doug Knowlton: My father was a deep thinker. I believe this was because h…