Nurtured Postpartum

10/30/2026

https://www.facebook.com/share/1DQBjrPeRx/

For weeks now I’ve been thinking about this post and getting stuck.

If you see this can you say hi and let me know this post got through and people can still see our stuff? Thank you!

Stuck on how to say what I feel needs to be said but not get caught in the Facebook/Meta algorithms that will suppress this post.

Stuck on how to say it and get ahead of the “not all men” crowd.

Stuck on how to say it and not cause survivors more pain.

Stuck on how to say it and actually be heard.

Stuck on how to say it and figure out some kind of call to action.

Stuck on how to say it and what info to include.

Stuck on what image to include with it.

Stuck on how to say it and wrestle with my own personal connection and experience.

Stuck on how to get it all out perfectly and have the exact right mix of whatever magic it takes to get attention and inspire people to care.

Stuck.

And then I realized something.

Getting stuck in all that is part of the problem and contributes to complicit perpetuation of this issue.

October is domestic violence awareness month.

Two of those words will suppress this post. The Meta algorithms will hide it from your feed because nobody wants to talk about that. Words like abuse, violence, assault, domestic violence, etc. will shut this post down because Facebook understands that we all would rather pretend it doesn’t exist than to learn about it, face it, and do something.

I’m not going to talk about this perfectly and it’s not going to be tidy or all that organized.

I am a survivor but not because of a partner. I am a survivor as the child of intimate partner violence.

A little over 10 years ago I flew to my parents home in Florida after learning that they had hid that my mom had been hospitalized for multiple broken bones and contusions. She refused to press charges. It was the first time in over a decade that she had anything close to this level of injury but I knew because I had seen things before as a child and as an adult. It wasn’t often but it was enough and the 9 year old little girl I used to be raged again through tears and fear and confusion.

The first day I was there I sat my parents down and for at least the 10th time in my life, begged them to get divorced or at least separated and not live together. I promised to show them how they could separate their lives, how they could figure out the finances, how they could carry on without the fights, the screaming, the terror. I broke down in tears that if they wouldn’t do that, at least let me take the fi****ms out of the house because next time it might be worse…

This was not the first time I had tried to break up my parents but it was the last. For most of my life I tried to find a way to protect them from each other. In my parents’ case it is hard to know who is the initial instigator, reactive abuse is real but I couldn’t tell you where one starts and the other begins. The first tangles of violence in my childhood home started long before I was there and my parents aren’t reliable narrators of their history. My part of that history has been vacillating between celebrating their union (when I was 11 I coordinated a renewing of the vows ceremony with all their friends present and my mom wearing her wedding veil for their anniversary because I thought they just needed to remember their love for each other and what they had promised… it didn’t work) and crying myself to sleep after interrupting verbal and physical lashings between them, wishing they’d just divorce and there would finally be some peace.

I remember being 9 years old and thinking that a “broken home” because of divorce sounded less fractured than my own with my parents together. Though I *knew* it was evil, I prayed that my parents would divorce before someone was unalived.

I can’t talk about domestic violence as a survivor of partner violence, I’ve never had that experience. Years later when I went into victim’s advocate work and then domestic violence advocate work, I learned a lot about what I saw and experienced as a child and I helped adults (mostly women) living it. I heard their stories, I talked through safety plans, I understood the complexities (as well as I could).

But it was when I moved into birth work and lactation education that I started to understand how incredibly far reaching and insidious intimate partner violence is not only in how common it is but also in how much it impacts children.

While so many want to focus on “why did she pick someone like that in the first place?” they’re missing that he hid it until she was pregnant.

While so many want to focus on “why did she have children with him?” they’re missing that she had been groomed from childhood to accept boundary crossing of her physical limits as affection.

While so many focus on wondering why she didn’t leave sooner, they’re missing that when she brought up concerns to those that she thought would help her, she was told to submit more or not make him angry and told it takes two.

While so many focus on how she has to protect the kids and get away, they’re missing that the MOST dangerous time in intimate partner violence situations is when the target tries to leave and also that if she leaves, he likely will continue the harm through custody battles and even target the children.

While many assume they would be able to spot an abuser and know if they were treating someone badly, they're missing that ALL abusers know how to perform well when others are watching.

It’s rarely what it looks like from the outside.

And women are the most vulnerable during pregnancy and postpartum. When there is another small vulnerable human in the mix that she is protecting. When everything is changing.

What can you do?

Listen. To the experiences survivors are willing to share. To the support survivors say is actually helpful. To the responses experts share can make a difference.

Educate. Yourself on what domestic violence really is and the various forms it can take. Your community on how society is frequently complicit in perpetuating domestic violence in their midst.

Give. Your attention, your time, and your resources to ending domestic violence every month of the year.

Share. The stories survivors are willing to share. Resources for support and aid. Condemnation for those that abuse.

Safe, secure help is available at 800.799.SAFE (7233) and https://www.thehotline.org/

October is domestic violence awareness month. October is almost over. Domestic violence isn’t.

***This image has nothing to do with this post. It is a photo of me in labor being supported by my husband and friend. That's it.***

10/27/2026

Recently I saw someone talking about how you should unfollow anyone who says parenting and birth and pregnancy is hard. That you should surround yourself with people who talk only about how wonderful it is. And I get it. I talk about curating your social media with doula clients and in prenatal classes. But I mean curating by unfollowing those who make you feel bad about your choices, not by surrounding yourself only with those who only share about the highlight reel.

Because here's the thing. Parenting IS hard. Full stop. It is hard. It is emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausting. Some days it can be hard to see any good or wonderful, no matter who you are. It's called a highlight reel for a reason.

This parenting thing is already isolating. We don't need to go back to the earlier days of social media where we only shared the perfect highlights. Where we shoved everything messy to the side and pretended it didn't exist. Because spoiler alert, we all know it still existed.

Everyone will have hard days and moments in parenting. Not talking about it doesn't make them go away, it makes people feel alone. Talking about the things that are hard helps to make them feel less hard. It helps us feel less alone. Some days can feel heavy and dark. Some days we don't know how to go on. Some days we can't imagine anyone else feeling the way we do. But talking about it helps to remind us that we are not alone. We are not failing because we find it hard. A shared burden does not feel so heavy. A shared burden brings relief.

I'm not here to sugarcoat postpartum or parenting. I'm here for real life. And real life is full of ups and downs. You can't pretend the downs don't exist. That just shoves them down for you to deal with at another time, and trust me when I say, that doesn't end well for anyone. Been there, done that. I'd have the t- shirt only I spent too much time shoving it behind everything. As Brené Brown says, "when we numb the dark, we numb the light." And I don't know about you, but I quite enjoy the light.

📸 | Sarah Wallace | Photographer

10/15/2026

Let's talk about the immediate postpartum. Those first weeks when no matter how baby was born, your body aches and you're bleeding. When the tears flow without warning one minute and the next you can't stop smiling and breathing in your baby's scent. These weeks can be a doozy as you adjust this new human who is wholly dependent on you.

What can make it easier?

1. Set up a snack table by where you spend most of your time complete with water bottles and easy to eat snacks. I like to include trail mix, granola bars, dried fruit, muffins, and beef jerky.

2. Arrange for people to come and care for you while you care for baby. Maybe they can do the dishes or the laundry, or maybe they can cook a meal for you. Maybe they can bring you groceries or take your dog for a walk. Maybe they can just sit with you and be another adult to talk to. Let your people help you.

3. Stock your freezer. I once had a client that did a "Stock My Freezer" party instead of a baby shower. I thought that was the best idea ever. This person's people made and brought all the meals, muffins, and more for their freezer. They had options for freezer meals for months!

4. Let go of your expectations. Seriously. You are in the season of baby. The season of discovering this new identity that you hold. Let go of the things that don't matter right now as you go through this transition.

How did you find the first few weeks? Did you do anything that helped make it easier?

📷 | Sarah Wallace | Photographer

10/13/2026

**CW: PREGNANCY LOSS**

For 13 weeks, I began to make plans and dream about who my baby would be. I could picture her sweet smile as she cooed and giggled in my arms. I saw her as a kid coming to me for a hug with scraped knees and a dirty face. I saw her as a teenager slamming her door, mad at me for something or other. I pictured her graduating from high school. I pictured her holding her own sweet baby, the circle complete.

When those dreams and plans and hopes were destroyed, it was devastating. My heart broke. I still grieve for what might have been, even though I now have four other living, amazing children. No matter that she was so small, she will always be one of my children as well.

During and after my miscarriage, I found that many people didn’t know what to say or do. And I felt entirely alone.

The grief from pregnancy and infant loss are very much misunderstood in society. And of course it is. For so long, we've hidden pregnancy and infant loss away, keeping that grief to ourselves. When I lost my baby, it was very taboo to speak about it. And yet, all I wanted to do was to talk about it.

So many people do not know how to respond in these conversations. They say things like "it wasn't meant to be" or "you're young, you can have another baby" or "it was for the best." And, frankly, those things would just rip open the grief yet again. If you haven't gone through it, it's hard to know what to say or do.

And that's why I offer pregnancy loss and bereavement support. I never want someone going through pregnancy and infant loss to go through it alone. No matter the reason, no matter what stage of pregnancy. I provide support for all types of pregnancy and infant loss, whether naturally occurring, induction, cesarean section, D&C, D&E, or abortion/termination. You're not alone.

If this is something you need, please DM me. I am here for you. You do not have to go through it all alone. If you love someone going through pregnancy or infant loss, I have created an incredible resource for you to help your loved one. Comment below and I'll send you the link.

10/09/2026

Sometimes there is joy in the darkness.

This photo by Jen McLeod Photography | Tofino Photographer shows a moment of true joy. I remember laughing trying to get this newly turned 1 year old to smash the cake I worked so hard on. And yet, it does not show the dark at that time of my life that clouded over me. The dark that settled once I got in my car with my 2 little loves and drove home. Most pictures of this time don't show that dark cloud. You might never know unless I told you. Even those around me didn't truly realize how much I was struggling. Only when it started to leak out in small spurts did my closest friends notice something was wrong.

You never know what a person is hiding. What sits behind that smile and "I'm ok."

I know I am not the only one who hides behind smiles and laughter. Who focused on being "super mom" so that nobody would know how much pain I was in. Who hid it all away so that nobody would know the dark, unwanted thoughts that ran through my mind on repeat.

People used to ask how I did it all, and I responded by saying "I don't know, I just do it." I should have responded by saying that it only looked that way and that I was dying inside. I tell them the truth now when I'm asked. I no longer brush it off. And yes, sometimes that means people are taken aback by my honesty but if you don't truly want to know, don't ask.

So, this is a reminder with World Mental Health Day this weekend to check in on your friends and their hearts. To really check in and don't just accept their "I'm ok." Even with your strong friends, the ones you think have it all together. What looks strong on the outside may in truth be crumbling inside.

And if you're hiding it all away, please know that you are not alone. You are far from alone. You matter. You are loved. I love you.

10/05/2026

Saturday was the Butterfly Run. It was magical. Over 150 people showed up to help bring more services to families going through pregnancy and infant loss to the West Kootenays. Some carrying fresh grief. Some carrying grief that they've carried for a long time. Some there to support those carrying that heavy grief. There was laughter and joy, tears and hugs.

Most of all, there was support and a feeling of being held. And considering there were folks there from throughout the West Kootenays, that's pretty incredible.

I'm not quiet about my own loss. It's been 17 years, and it still can bring me to my knees at times. The words said to me throughout my loss have stuck with me. The one medical student who asked me if I'd somehow hit my belly. The doctor who called it a spontaneous abortion. The other patient at the ER who was there for an overdose and yelled loudly to everyone that nothing was wrong with my and I was faking it (all while I was bleeding and puking from pain). The priest who we did not ask for that tried to tell us it was for the best. They all cut like a knife. But it wasn't all bad. The ultrasound technician was so kind and gentle. The doctor at the ER was compassionate. My own doctor when I went to see her days later gave me a hug, told me she was so sorry, and held me as I cried before anything else.

I say this all to remind everyone that the way we treat people in grief matters. We may not understand it. We may not know what to say or have any answers. And that's okay. We don't have to. Sometimes presence is the biggest gift you can give someone in grief.

Thank you Butterfly Run Trail. Thank you for your time, energy, and love that you poured into this year's event.

09/30/2026

CW: PREGNANCY & INFANT LOSS.

𝐎𝐜𝐭𝐨𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐬 𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐠𝐧𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈𝐧𝐟𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐋𝐨𝐬𝐬 𝐀𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐌𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐡.

And as those of you who have experienced loss know, grief doesn't wait for a specified date or month on the calendar to show up. It just shows up. Sometimes it hides away for days, weeks, months, or even so long that you think it is gone. But one thing is for sure, it will always show its face again.

Those who have not experienced pregnancy or infant loss will not understand the grief and pain that accompanies it. How it comes out of nowhere 10 years later and still brings you to your knees. How the joy in future pregnancies can be dulled as you anxiously second guess every twinge and cramp. How it feels so completely overwhelming when you sit with empty arms in the rocking chair you had bought to rock your sweet baby in. How your heart squeezes every single time you see a pregnant belly or pregnancy announcement. How so many others expect you to just "get over it" after.

1 in 4 pregnancies will end in loss.

𝟭 𝗶𝗻 𝟰.

And that is 1 in 4 pregnancies. Not 1 in 4 people.

That is a huge number of people living with the grief that pregnancy loss brings. Many living with the grief of multiple losses. And yet, it seems it's still a taboo thing to talk about.

𝗜 𝗮𝗺 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝟭 𝗶𝗻 𝟰.

Are you?

I see you. I see your pain. You are not alone.

In 2019, I worked hard through my own grief as I completed my Pregnancy and Infant Loss (PAIL) Advocate certification. It was hard. I found my heart aching as I wished that I had had the support I was learning about. But I did it, and now I stand here today to offer that support.

Please reach out if you or someone you know needs some support going through pregnancy or infant loss. I can't lessen the grief, but I can sit beside you and help walk you through it. I offer this by donation, and there is no expectation of a donation to access it.

Is someone you love going through perinatal loss? Check out my brand new, free resource. I created this workbook for everyone who wishes they knew what to do when someone they love is grieving: nurturedpostpartum.ca/resources/

09/09/2026

Excuse me for a minute while I delve into a personal story. Yes, I know I haven't been on here regularly, and I'm sorry. I've been doing life lately.

Yesterday, I dropped my kids off at school for their first day. 3 different schools, again. One has moved to a new program at his sibling's school. After dropping the 3 youngest off in one direction, I picked up my eldest and dropped him off too. He could have walked. He had planned to walk. But when I realized I'd have time, I offered. And I'm so glad I did.

Every first day always hits the heart a little, but I hadn't expected this one to hit it as much as it did when I dropped my last baby off for her first day of kindergarten. I dropped him off, watched him walk into school, and realized that being in grade 11, that might be the last first day I do that. And I cried. Had to pull over because I couldn't see through my tears. Then went for a walk with a friend and cried some more.

I still picture that young man as the little toddler with Justin Bieber hair and the cutest little voice who came into my life and blew up everything I thought I knew.

When they tell you the days are long, but the years are short, they are not lying.

07/31/2026

August 1-7 is World Lactation/Breastfeeding/Bodyfeeding Week. And before I say or share anything else, I need to say a few things.

There can be a lot of stress around feeding your baby. But know this: however you feed your baby is right for you and your baby. We all know the biological benefits of human milk, and truly, they're incredible. Sometimes I want to shout from the rooftops about them! But they're not all we have to think about when deciding what's best for our families, and lactation is not necessarily the best choice (or a choice at all) for everyone.

So, for those parents who work so hard to make breastfeeding/chestfeeding work for them - you're doing a good job.

For those parents who pump and bottle feed, whether it's truly a choice or not - you're doing a good job.

For those parents who breastfeed/chestfeed for one day/one feed/one week/one month and switch to formula milk - you're doing a good job.

For those parents who feed donated human milk - you're doing a good job.

For those parents who feed formula milk right from birth (for any reason) - you're doing a good job.

For those who feed both human milk and formula milk - you're doing a good job.

For those who cannot or do not want to breastfeed/chestfeed (for whatever reason) - you're doing a good job.

No matter how you feed your baby, you are doing a good job.

(This photo is me nursing my youngest, 3 months shy of her 5th birthday.)