Nurtured Postpartum

09/23/2025

09/10/2025

Sept 10 is World Su1c1de Prevention Day. The last few years, I have shared my story, and I wasn't sure I wanted to share again. Sometimes I worry that I share too much but parents are not immune. We need to talk about the things that scare us. And trust me, these things scare me.

I am a su1c1de survivor, both as a child and as an adult. I fought postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety, and fell to the depths.

This was me, in the deep dark depths of depression. Doesn’t look like it, right?

But I see the pain in her eyes.

The hopelessness.

The despair.

The desire to just never wake up again. To disappear. Believing that my family wouldn’t even notice I was gone. That they’d just go on living without me like nothing happened.

Wondering what it would be like to drive into oncoming traffic or into the river. What would be fastest and least messy?

Knowing that the only thing keeping me from doing that was that my kids were in the car.

Wishing that someone would notice and reach their hand out to me because I was afraid one day those feelings would come when I was without my kids.

And yet, the fear that others would find out that I was struggling so much was so overwhelming that I hid all those intrusive thoughts and pain behind a smile and overcompensation.

I am so grateful that I had friends see beyond that smile and help me out of that deep hole of despair so that I could get help and feel safe again.

This was me. Nearly a year postpartum. Deep in a pit of despair with a smile on my face. Hiding all the pain inside.

What you see on the outside may not be what is on the inside.

Check on your friends with kids. Moms, Dads, all parents. Check on them in the early days, and in the later days. Check on the friends with one child, and the friends with more than one. Ask them how they are doing. Ask them how their heart is doing. And then when they tell you, LISTEN. You might save a life.

Are you feeling lost in the dark but don't have anyone to talk to? Send me a message. I'd be honoured to hold that space for you as so many have done for me.

09/06/2025

09/05/2025

You know that feeling you get when your baby is finally here after months and months of waiting and being uncomfortable and you're so relieved? Yeah, that.

This summer I spent more hours than I can count over way too many way too late of nights working on this labour of love for the Doula Services Association of British Columbia. It's finally live and I'm feeling relieved to be finished this stage of "new website creation." I'm sure my family is also relieved (and lets be honest, my body since 3am nights sitting on the computer are just not the same as 3am nights with your newborns).

Check it out here: wearebcdoulas.ca

She’s here, she’s here, she’s here! Our digital baby has officially arrived.

After weeks of LATE LATE nights, way too much coffee, and lots of love, our new website is live and ready for you to explore. It’s smoother, more connected, and built by doulas, for doulas.

Just like any newborn, our little “digital baby” needs a bit of support to settle in and that’s where you come in:

1️⃣ Check your email. We’ve sent instructions to update your membership (no payment required for current members!).
2️⃣ Explore the site and poke around.
3️⃣ Give us feedback. We love hearing from our community.

You can explore our newest addition here: wearebcdoulas.ca

PS: don't worry, you can still find us with bcdoulas.org!

08/27/2025

August is World Breastfeeding/Lactation Awareness Month. And August 25-31 is especially important - it's Black Breastfeeding Week, a time specifically dedicated to Black folks who choose to breastfeed/chest feed.

Why do we need a week specifically dedicated to Black lactation? Well, for the same reason we need Black History Month.

1. Black babies have a higher mortality rate than white babies.

2. There is a major lack of diversity in lactation fields. Google your local lactation consultants and see if your area has any Black folks in the field.

3. There are unique barriers among Black folks largely due to the history of enslaved people being forced to act as wet nurses, often in detriment to their own children.

We need to talk about this. We need to talk about how Black folks were forced to nurse enslavers' babies while their own babies suffered. We need to talk about the lack of access to culturally appropriate lactation support. We need to talk about it. And we need to do more than just talk about it. We need to do better.

Want to find out more? Check out this link: blackbreastfeedingweek.org

08/23/2025

August 22 was National Rainbow Baby Day.

Not sure what a rainbow baby is? Well, a rainbow baby is the baby born after a pregnancy or child loss. The rainbow after the storm, if you will. The love after the pain. The brightness after the darkness.

In 2010, my rainbow baby was born. It's hard to believe it's been 15 years since we welcomed him in that hospital room.

Sometimes I look at him now and wonder who that first baby might have been. What her favourite foods would be. What her laugh would sound like. How her smile would light up the room. Would her teenage self be as stubborn as mine was (and still is). I wonder how good of a big sibling she'd be and if she'd like basketball like he does.

It's a bittersweet, guilty feeling that I'm not sure will every quite fully go away.

If she was here, he would not be. And I am so grateful for his incredible self and that he joined us on this earth when he did. His birth healed a part of me that was desperate for healing. He brought light to my world after so much darkness.

It can be hard to be pregnant after a loss. If you need support, check out , or feel free to contact me.

Do you have a rainbow baby? Do you know about the guilt I'm speaking of? Double tap if so, and please, I'd love to hear the story of your rainbow baby!

It may be late but, for National Rainbow Baby Day, I celebrate my rainbow baby and I celebrate yours.

PS: Did you know that the baby that comes after a rainbow baby is called a "Pot of Gold"?

First 📸:

08/09/2025

This week I've had some very welcome unexpected visitors that I haven't seen since moving to the Kootenays.

These two women are half of the group of women who have been with me through my entire parenting journey.

When my first was born, I had no friends in my city, certainly not mom friends. So, I joined a group called momstown and promptly met a group of women that would forever change, and save, my life.

No, I am not exaggerating when I say they saved my life. They were in the trenches of babies and toddlers with me. Play dates where we could breathe and know we were understood and not judged, where we didn't have to worry if our toddlers behaved like toddlers, where someone would hold our baby when we were touched out, where we knew that we could count on each other. In the darkest of times, they were there. I knew, I still know, that I can message them with anything I am struggling with and they will not judge me.

These women have laughed with me when our toddlers emptied all the board games, rejoiced with me when good things happened, guided me when things felt too dark and I couldn't see, held me when I couldn't stand up on my own, and cried with me when the hurts were too much to bear. They have watched me and stood beside me as I grew as a parent, as I said good bye to former versions of myself and welcomed new versions of myself.

If I had one piece of advice for new parents - it's find your people. Find your people that will walk beside you through these hard days. You may not find them right away, but they're out there. They may quite literally save your life - and at the very least, they will help you make it out of the trenches.

And thank you to Tiffany Vanderzyde, Jessica McCafferty, Janine Foote, and Kristin Heimbecker for being in the trenches with me. Can't believe those babies and toddlers are now graduating and becoming adults.

08/03/2025

16 years.

16 years ago, I came home from the hospital after a miscarriage that ended up in a d&c. 16 years ago, I said goodbye to the dreams I had dreamed for my first baby. I said goodbye to the innocence around pregnancy that I held until that moment. I said goodbye to a life that was not to be. I still remember that day as if it was yesterday. It sits vividly in my memories just as the births of my other children. I remember clearly the things that were said to me by other patients, nurses, and the (unwanted) hospital chaplain.

I go weeks now without thinking of her, but the grief remains just under the surface. And when it flares, I ache with both guilt and grief. Guilt that I had not thought of her, as if I had forgotten her. Grief that she was not a part of our life, not a part of these moments with my kids. And yet, I think about what might have been so often. About who she would be. Even 16 years later.

The ache doesn't go away, we just build a life around it so that it doesn't fill every nook and cranny of our thoughts. My Nana told me afterwards that she still ached for her lost babies, and especially her youngest that died shortly after birth. She said the ache did not dull for her, and nobody would talk about them with her. That even 40 years later she still grieved.

And so, in honour of my Nana, I will not be silent about it. I will speak about my miscarriage and loss and the grief I felt and still feel. If you too have a story of loss, I encourage you to share it if it feels right for you. I open this space below to talk about the things around pregnancy that people don't like to talk about. And if you need to talk privately, dm me and I would be honoured to hold that space for you.

As my friend Kristin wrote on the blog, a baby's a baby, no matter how small. And your baby matters.

08/01/2025

This week is World Lactation/Breastfeeding/Bodyfeeding Week. And before I say or share anything else, I want to say a few things.

However you feed your baby is right for you and your baby. We all know the biological benefits of human milk - and truly, they're incredible. But they're not all we have to think about when we are deciding what's best for our families, and lactation is not necessarily the best choice (or a choice at all) for all.

So, for those parents who work so hard to make breastfeeding/chestfeeding work for them - you're doing a good job.

For those parents who choose to pump and bottle feed, whether it's truly a choice or not - you're doing a good job.

For those parents who breastfeed/chestfeed for one day/one feed/one week/one month and switch to formula milk - you're doing a good job.

For those parents who decide to feed donated human milk - you're doing a good job.

For those parents who decide to feed formula milk right from birth (for any reason) - you're doing a good job.

For those who decide to feed both human milk and formula milk - you're doing a good job.

For those who cannot breastfeed/chestfeed (for whatever reason) - you're doing a good job.

No matter how you feed your baby, you are doing a good job.

07/29/2025

I've been absent.

But for a good reason.

Sometimes, you just have to step back and live your life. To decide where your limited energy needs to be directed.

The last 7 months have been hard and busy and beautiful all at the same time. From family medical issues to two kids in travel basketball to new job placements to vehicle problems to busy clients to volunteer work to passion projects, well, there's been a lot to juggle.

But I'm still here.

And I'm coming back with ideas that I wouldn't have had had I continued on as I was.

So, here's a photo from my recent annual family trip to Alberta that was full of (surprise, surprise) taking a kid to basketball. Plus, I threw in some puppy spam from my auntie's recent litter for all you who can't get enough puppies. (if you want more, stay tuned to my stories because I already miss those little nuggets).

07/15/2025

July 14-20 is Birth Trauma Awareness Week. 30% of birthgivers report experiencing birth trauma - and with the last few years, that statistic is likely low.

But what is birth trauma? So often, many people think birth trauma is only related to the physical events that happen during birth. And yes, those matter. But birth trauma can be related to so much more, including past birth experiences, previous sexual abuse, previous mental health challenges, the way you were treated and supported around birth, or if you felt in control or not.

And, above all, no matter what happened in and around your birth, if you found it traumatic, then it was traumatic. Trauma is in the eye of the beholder and no matter what others say, if you experienced it as traumatic, it was. And it's not your fault.

Birth trauma can present as:
-nightmares or difficulty sleeping
-anxiety or panic attacks
-flashbacks/memories of the birth
-feelings of shame, guilt, anger
-detaching from your feelings, thoughts, surroundings, or people in your life
-feeling numb

If your experience was traumatic, reach out to someone. You can heal and move forward with help. You do not have to suffer through this all alone. Aside from your birth team, care provider, and a trauma-informed therapist, here are some places you may find helpful:

org.au
birth

06/01/2025

It's Pride Month!

Q***r families face many challenges in growing their families - and many of those challenges are rooted in homophobia, transphobia, and biphobia. I have a lot more words that I want to say, but words aren't enough. These challenges exist in the medical world as well as the doula world. Too many say they support q***r families, but don't know how to do it in a way that does not perpetuate harm.

Just know that today, and every day, I stand with you because I am you.

Let's remember that Pride Month is, above all, a protest started by Black trans women. Let's keep standing up and calling out the violence and discrimination that the q***r community faces every day.

And not just today, but every damn day.

Because q***r families matter, no matter what they look like. Your q***r family may be visibly q***r, or like mine, it may not be. Let's celebrate ALL q***r families.