04/18/2025
If you ever get to the point of refining your relationship with your horse, this is a good explanation that I find true in my experience, from a clinician I met and studied for many years while growing up in Alberta. Horses need a leader, an alpha, but barely over and above where they are in the herd's pecking order. An alpha (high ranked) horse often needs assertive, fair, and consistent to trust, because they're not used to someone having their back and they don't give up that responsibility for the herd easily to someone else.
If we're too alpha with a non-alpha, trust suffers. We must adjust to every horse, with just the right amount of assertiveness. Non-assertive is often NOT trustworthy to many horses. I find horses force people to find their assertiveness, but you also want to find the right level of fair assertiveness for each horse. Some horses seem to just want you to be their friend, but will also expect you to step up to be the leader, to keep them safe when push comes to shove.They are very wired a certain way, as a prey animal that survived for millions of years based off instincts.
Horses don't perceive respect the way we do, but they do test for leadership flaws in people. Horses want and NEED a leader - someone they both trust and respect. Horses pick up on more than we can imagine; they unfortunately know where we lack assertiveness and direction in our lives. They expect us to level up before they'll give us that partnership we all dream of having. We have to prove our leadership abilities to them by being the right amount of assertive but also reading them almost as well as they read us. Otherwise, they're just babysitting us until something kicks in their self-preservation mode.
I've learned to be more assertive through horses, not in a mean way but in a reassuring to the horse way. I've also learned where to completely back off of that assertiveness. Though trial and error, I've been both not assertive enough and too assertive, eventually finding the right amount of alpha to earn a horse's trust, dependant on the horse I'm working with. This has been a big lesson, as I grew up a very non-assertive person and had to find a healthy level of assertiveness to earn a horse's trust and respect.
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