The Road to Grumble Farm

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Tales of a nomadic farm & rural property sitter in search of beauty and belonging (featuring super senior pug sisters Fern & Ivy, also known as ) šŸ‘©šŸ»ā€šŸŒ¾šŸ“šŸ¾šŸŒæ Traveling between rural 'Berta and beautiful British Columbia!

07/24/2026

I gave her some instructions from us all. šŸ§”

06/21/2026

Oh, that final nightā€¦

Youā€™re simultaneously hyper aware of time, yet time ceases to exist.

For both Jonas and Ivyā€™s deaths, when I was aware of the end-of-life, I did actually sleep.

I didnā€™t think I was going to, but I did. We did our night time routine as usual. And when I woke up, things felt normal for a split second before I remembered what a significant day it was.

The night before, I try to think of their Rainbow Bridge day as a celebratory farewell.

A goodbye party to celebrate the beginning of a new journey where the most normal thing to say is, ā€œIā€™m so proud of you, have fun! I canā€™t wait to see you againā€.

That final night, I did tell her I was proud of her. Proud of her for being so brave and so strong. Proud of her for never complaining. Proud of her for letting me know it was time.

I thanked her, endlessly. For everything.

And most of all, I told her over and over and over again that I was going to be okay. Itā€™s so important to me that they know that.

Rather than ā€œplease donā€™t goā€, ā€œI donā€™t know what Iā€™m going to do without you,ā€ ā€œIā€™m never going to get over losing youā€ā€¦

Rather than making it about me and my painā€¦

I told her,

Donā€™t worry about me, Ivy.

You taught me how to be so strong.

I was here for you through it all, and Iā€™m not giving up now.

Iā€™ve got you.

Youā€™re doing so good, sweetheart.

When I woke up on Ivyā€™s death day, I rolled over to her lying in her little bed and I said,

ā€œIvy, todayā€™s your big day!!ā€ with the energy of Christmas morning.

It was her day to be so free.

To feel a freedom that none of us will experience until itā€™s our big day, too. šŸŒˆšŸ¾āœØ

All goes onward and outward

Nothing collapses

And to die is different than what any one supposed

And luckier.

06/19/2026

When I was still in the throes of decision paralysis regarding Jonasā€™ end of life three years ago, I remember feeling like there was a missing piece when it came to achieving assuredness and clarity for what I was supposed to do.

My journey involved very intentionally microdosing šŸ„ during this time to help expand and open my mind to possibilities and perceptions beyond my limited understanding.

And one day, when I was in the shower, I was trying to figure out what it was I felt I needed to take the right next step.

I had already talked to the veterinarians, to the vet techs, to the grief counselors, to my therapist, to my Mom, to my close friends, and to my partner at the time. They all helped immensely, each playing their own individual role on my support team.

In my mindā€™s eye, I began visualizing a ring or a circle. It was a Rainbow Ring, which is beautiful because rainbows are geometrically a complete 360 degree circle that we can only see an arch of from the ground.

To see the full circle, you have to look at it from a higher vantage point, which is exactly what I was trying to do.

Thatā€™s when I remembered that there was a very important person I had left out from my support team ā€” my Reiki teacher, Geneva Robins, founder of Luna Holistic.

As soon as I got out of the shower, I booked an appointment for a session.

And after our time together, with Jonas in my lapā€¦ the last part of the ā€œRainbow Ringā€ clicked into place and became a portal šŸŒˆšŸ’«šŸ¾

I continued using šŸ„ throughout my grieving process after Jonasā€™ sacred sendoff.

I remember saying no to everyone and everything and hiking through the forest in search of solace along Kootenay Lakeā€™s beautiful north shores.

I starfished on the sand, letting the earth absorb my body entirely as I said his name over and over and over againā€¦

I just wanted to be where he was, and I knew thatā€™s where Iā€™d find him again. But weā€™ll leave that for another conversation šŸ’™

Fernā€™s workinā€™ hard (clearly) on Reel #2 of a little series Iā€™m filming over time answering some of your Qā€™s about Ivyā€™...
06/19/2026

Fernā€™s workinā€™ hard (clearly) on Reel #2 of a little series Iā€™m filming over time answering some of your Qā€™s about Ivyā€™s death, dying, grief, and the end-of-life, specifically in regards to pet loss grief.

This one cominā€™ up shares a few of my thoughts on the question: how do you choose the day (of euthanasia)?

In my entire social media career, Iā€™ve never done these types of videos before. Giving public ā€œadviceā€ is a little out of my wheelhouse (and comfort zone) but I hope at least one or two of the things I share becomes something you can gently place in your back pocket for when the time comes ā¤ļøšŸŒˆšŸ¾āœØ

06/18/2026

I think so.

Or at the very least, I choose to believe so.

Iā€™m a spiritual person. I can only speak about what I think and believe through a spiritual and faith-based lens (faith meaning, faith in the spiritual realm, faith in the Universe, faith in God, source, spirit, whatever the eff you wanna call it).

My pug Chloe died suddenly in a tragic accident while we were camping nearly ten years ago. She was only four years old. I had left her at our campsite for just a moment, but I took a photo of her before I turned around for the last time. In the photo, she was staring off towards the road, as if she knew exactly what was coming.

Chloeā€™s death changed the entire course of my life.

If it werenā€™t for her sacrifice, Grumble Farm wouldnā€™t exist and none of you would be here.

Fern and Ivy wouldnā€™t have come into my life, and I wouldnā€™t have grown and changed into the person who made the decisions that got me to where I am today.

How I made meaning of Chloeā€™s death was believe that she was always meant to leave my life the way she did, when she did. It was always pre-destined. As was Newman, as was Jonas, as was Ivy, and eventually, Fern too.

Thatā€™s why itā€™s become less and less difficult for me to accept when the end of life and eventual moment of death arrives. I donā€™t resist it anymore. I welcome it in when itā€™s truly time because I trust that it was always going to be at that time.

Nothing takes me by surprise anymore.

People always say, ā€œI wasnā€™t ready to say goodbyeā€.

But I think you might be readier than you know.

I believe that all of the people, dogs, and opportunities that have come into my life so far have arrived according to a divine plan, right on schedule.

And I also believe they leave right on schedule, too.

I think our dogs know. I think theyā€™re called home when theyā€™ve completed the mission they came into our lives to accomplish, and they leave knowing they can continue to guide us forward a little better in spirit.

This perspective can heal your heart years after the fact. It can also make the end of life a beautiful experience. You can choose to start cultivating trust at any time ā€” theyā€™ll be s

06/13/2026

Hi friends, showing face ā¤ļø Over the next week or two Iā€™ll be sharing a series of videos I filmed answering some Qā€™s about Ivyā€™s end-of-life as well as some thoughts regarding the death/dying/grief process. I used my intuition and natural thought processes when speaking, trusting what was meant to come through. Love you all!

And the beat goes on ā¤ļø
06/12/2026

And the beat goes on ā¤ļø

05/30/2026

Fern keeps getting ā€œstuckā€ in this floor mirror at the place weā€™re currently staying.

At first I thought it was kinda funny, but when I watched this back, my heart broke a little bit.

Because wherever Ivy went, itā€™s elusive. It *is* like a bit of a mirror in that thereā€™s definitely something there, right in front of you, but it proves to be physically impossible to reach.

I know the majority of you following along with Ivyā€™s end-of-life are curious about Fern, and how sheā€™s doing without her sister. And if Iā€™m being honest, I donā€™t know. I do know what to look for, in terms of trying to understand how sheā€™s feeling. And last night, before bed, she got a burst of energy that had her zooming around the apartment, so I played with her, running around and encouraging her to follow me. She was smiling from ear to ear and her tail was up and wagging, and she had that funny, crazy look in her eyes that showcased her own spirit, alive and well.

I can already tell our relationship, our bond, is deepening now that itā€™s just the two of us. Itā€™s a very special and intimate feeling, and although I know (and understand) why most people seek out a replacement dog to fill the void after loss while keeping the anticipatory grief of loosing the ā€œlast one standingā€ at bayā€¦ simply unable to bear the mere thought of being aloneā€¦ Iā€™m so grateful for this new and unique experience of love with as it unfolds, and I really hope we get the time to bask in itā€™s glory together. But any time at all will do.

Maybe Ivy is on Fernā€™s mind as she faces this mirror. Maybe she saw her sister in her own reflection, and was frustrated she couldnā€™t figure out a way to get to her. But maybe Iā€™m projecting my own human experience onto her little puggy one, I donā€™t know. I personally believe that dogs are far more spiritually evolved than us and donā€™t fear death the way we do, which is why I always follow their lead. šŸ§”ā¤ļøšŸ’™

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713 17th Street
Castlegar, BC
V1N 4J4

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