23/07/2025
There’s a Difference between being Assertive and being Aggressive
This is a skill that not all humans naturally possess. It’s something that I have had to develop and it’s a big reason why the dogs all learn to listen and respect me.
Being assertive doesn’t come from a place of emotion or frustration, it comes from a place of leadership, it garners authority and respect.
We can learn much from the way that dogs communicate and assert themselves over one another.
The confident dominant dog will calmly assert themselves over the other dogs to establish authority and hierarchy. They will use body language and stand their ground.
The insecure dog will display aggression and act out of impulse. They will lash out in a way that is disproportionate to what the situation calls for.
The assertive dog will establish boundaries and go on to have a good relationship with the other dogs, where the pack has clarity and the dogs are able to coexist with minimal conflict.
The aggressive dog will cause the other dogs to either fight back or become fearful and avoid interacting. The aggressive dog will not gain the other dog’s trust or respect.
You will get much further with your dog by being firm and setting consistent boundaries and consequences, then you will by losing your temper and giving them a “Flogging” or screaming at them.
You can do much more damage to a dog by acting out of emotion then you will by calmly saying No and following up with a consequence.
This is a huge focus for me when teaching clients how to interact with their dogs.
As a dog trainer you start to notice certain patterns between the behaviour of the dogs and the behaviour of their owners. One I observe a lot is that owners who do not set boundaries and be assertive with their dogs have rude, pushy and often anxious or over excited dogs.
Another is that owners that are aggressive and often lose their tempers with their dogs have dogs that display aggressive behaviours and are quick to bite or are fearful. I often see this in dogs that are funny about hands.
Another is a cycle where owners don’t want to be assertive with their dogs, and so they try to keep everything positive. Maybe they feel guilty about lashing out at their dogs in the past. And instead of providing clarity through firm consistent consequences, they end up trapped in this cycle of getting to points of frustration and lashing out at the dogs and so the cycle repeats. This will create an anxious or aggressive dog purely due to lack of clarity.
Similar to the above are owners who nag the dog when they do something wrong and don’t follow through, then again eventually getting to a point of frustration and lashing out at the dog.
Being consistent and acting in a calm assertive manner when it’s time to let the dog know that they’ve done the wrong thing, will improve your relationship with your dog and your dog’s overall confidence.
And this is a life skill that goes far beyond how we interact with our dogs.
