Dog Charming

24/06/2026

Yesterday I rode a wave of guilt. It had a side serving of sadness due to the date: Zuri's birthday. The date alone doesn't cause many tears any more. It's more a sigh and smile of how lucky were we to have each other. Combined with Willow's death, however, it packed more of a punch.

And it was the day Willow was originally booked in for euthanasia. I needed to bring it forward. 😞

The guilt was ruminating over whether Willow was scared at the end. You see, fear free training is not a procedure for me, it's a way of life with my dog. I ended up having a teary debrief at the vet rooms.

Then I listened to a song that a friend sent me. Sometimes something comes along at just the right time with just the right message.

It was like Willow saying,
"I had a hell of a time.
Know that I had the time of my life.
So remember me and smile.....
And if you get that sinking feeling thinking about the time we shared,
I hope it helps your healing knowing that I WASN'T SCARED.
You gotta hold onto the little things,
but you gotta let go just a little bit ......
but I'll be fine coz I had a hell of a time.
Know that I had the time of my life.
So remember me and smile."

I'm accepting that as gentle guidance and ditching the guilt. (I hope).

https://youtu.be/Hd19DLlHA7w?si=2EAgSXz5ZLfOxyMu

24/06/2026

I don't want to get up.
I don't want to stay in bed more.

So the morning sun worshipping ritual begins.
With major ommisions due to the absence of the main actor.

"Good morning, Willow."

No bouncing out of bed as soon as I pick up the jacket.
That stopped a few days before she left. It was one of the signs.

No morning meds.

No catapaulting down the hallway, legs akimbo, almost ricocheting off the walls with a wookie call.

That left days before as well.

The collar comes, no longer clipped around her neck. Two weeks ago she stopped circling once or twice before I put it on. Still eager to get going but conserving precious energy. Another sign.

The lead is looped. The ball popped in that fantastic toy pocket.

And once I'm there, I'm glad I came. And I'll do it again tomorrow.

23/06/2026

Everywhere I go, Willow comes too. It's comforting to see her widdle face watching me.

A friend found a poem which they personalised for Willsy.

Willow

Willsy you're missing in my home,
I feel it day and night,
I know it will take time and strength
before things feel quite right.
But just for now, I need to mourn,
My heart — it needs to mend.
Though some may say, “she was just a dog,”
I know I’ve lost a faithful friend.

When you were born, and others said No

I chose you, my very own Will-low

You brought such happiness to my home,

and richness to my days.

A constant friend through joy or loss
with gentle, loving ways.

Though you were afraid to ride the bike & climb the stairs

I taught you how to conquer your fears

In recent times we discovered the beauty

of the rising and setting sun

And though I still love to go, it just isn't so much fun

In your passing the sun will continue to daily rise

A reminder to me that you were my prize

Companion, friend, and confidante,
A friend I won’t forget.
You’ll live forever in my heart,
My sweet, forever pet

23/06/2026

Found Willow's whisker on her jacket. I've put it somewhere safe.

No wonder today is so hard ........ it's Zuri's birthday.

Willow was scheduled to leave today but I made the call earlier. I wanted her to stay longer. She wanted to stay too. Still following me up the stairs on her last day even though it took so much energy. I don't think either of us wanted this to end. Yet we both knew it was time.

23/06/2026

I had a "good" day yesterday. So even and mellow, with pockets of joy and remembrance, that I thought, "This process is going to be OK. I think I'm going to handle this well. "

Then I woke up this morning to a very different day.

22/06/2026

22/06/2026

The sun appears to be showing its condolences in the days after Willow's death.

Day 1: I arrived solo for the first time. Angry, heartbroken, exhausted and daring the sun to show itself on such a joyless day. The sun peeked meekly over the horizon, almost apologetically. I could almost hear her asking for forgiveness, but it was her job and taking a day off was non-negotiable. Others were counting on her to start a new day. Without the back up of clouds who usually provide the most stunning canvas, the sun's arrival was muted. The clouds knew better than to make an appearance today. After all, no one would miss them if they didn't show up for one day.

Day 2: After sleeping on it, the sun returned with a most thoughtful condolence gift: bright yellow in memory of Willow. I don't remember telling the sun that yellow was Willow's colour. Maybe my socks gave it away.

Day 5: The clouds summoned up the courage to turn up and, sensing my greyness, cloaked the sun to match my mood.

22/06/2026

Strap yourselves in as the second series of "How a Trainer Grieves for Their Dog" begins.

The winter edition will be devoid of frocks and gardening due to the nippy weather.

There is no director or script. The storyboard simply says, "Bloody sad." Events will be organic and improvised. No dates have been released for the final episode. Let's hope it doesn't run forever.

The daisy chair, reupholstered after mum's death, appears to have become a shrine commerating Willow's joy of sqeaky-time play.

21/06/2026

"The saddest moment is when the one who gave you the best memories becomes a memory."

C/O Margaret Jackson (FB) Thank you x

21/06/2026

Coffee made by one of Willow's favourite people, in a mug gifted from another of her favourites. And a Willow Pillow. Which is kinda funny because we used to sing, "Willooooooow is a pillooooooow". 🎶 And the saddest workout ever, jumping rope for 10 minutes without tripping for the first time with no spectator and no cool down cuddle buddy.