01/09/2021
13 Ways to Really Prepare Yourself for Getting a Pet Bird
Are you thinking about getting your first pet bird? This 13-step guide will emotionally and physically prepare you for what it’s like to live with one. If you follow this, you will have a fairly good idea what it’s like to have one of these lovely creatures in your house.
1. Take a big bite of carrot. Chew it up well, but don’t swallow it. Now go out to your dining room and spew it all over the wall. Leave it there until it dries. Get a sponge and a scraper and scrape it off the wall. Repeat at least three times a week.
2. Go to the bird supply store. Buy everything you need for the month. Then with the leftover money, go to the grocery store and pick up a five-pound box of macaroni, some parmesan cheese and some margarine. These provisions should last you about two weeks, and it’s about all you’ll be able to afford after all that money you spent at the bird supply store.
3. Take a newspaper to the bird supply store. Place it in the bottom of an empty birdcage. Read it while it’s laying on the bottom of the grate. This is how you will be reading the newspaper from now on.
4. Get some pelleted diet, some chopped up vegetables, borrow some bird p**p from the bird supply store (they’ll look at you funny, but they probably won’t charge you for it), some parrot feathers, pieces of bird toy parts, some wood chips and some almond shells. Combine in a one-gallon container. Throw some of it on the floor. Now clean it up. Throw more of it on the floor. Now clean it up. Repeat at least twice a day.
5. Get a screwdriver from your toolkit. Make some gouges in the paint on the wall. And while you’re at it, use it to rip one of your lampshades and smack up a couple of picture frames.
6. Make sure you know the meaning of all of these terms: Cloaca, preen gland, PDD, PBFD, calcium to phosphorus ratio, polyomavirus, E.N.D., and boing. This task involves a lot of research. At least you'll be on your phone for a good reas