25/04/2023
I’ll just leave this here…
Speak softly, carry a big stick?
I’ve often wondered how so many top professionals became so blunt, rude, uncaring and developed a total disconnect from their horsemanship to their behavior with others. They could preach softness in the arena, then cut down a person with one comment. It baffled me- until I had a public career for long enough.
You get criticized, stolen from, taken advantage of, questioned constantly by people who don’t want to learn but make you look bad. People come out swinging with the critique, and are incredibly hurt by any response- then you look like the bully. You get peoples opinions on every facet of your life from your parenting to your clothes. You have to be careful what you say and to who because you’ll get misquoted or misinterpreted - and people everywhere are looking for a crack to get in. It’s not just me, it happens to plenty of others.
Of course that’s the minority. Most people are not like that. But you have to read the hate mail, the comments, the criticism, defend yourself often enough that it’s easy to see how someone could become bristly, hard, rough edged.
It’s not really in my nature to be like that. I’m having to learn to cut people off, defend my work, pick up the big stick when someone steals from me- walking away isn’t always an option, so sometimes you have to defend yourself with every resource you have.
It’s pretty easy with horses. Every day I work with horses trying to bite, kick, buck- it isn’t personal, even if they’re coming after me. I just make my lines and limits clear, and move on. With people, it’s much messier. Horses don’t go home and tell their barn how nasty you were. Horses don’t tell one side of the story. Horses don’t ruin your work in an entire area because they had a “bad experience,” maybe being told they went over a limit and became offended.
There’s a line with people too- you can interact with me in this way; and no more. Learning it isn’t personal is the most important part - to not let yourself become emotionally triggered by it. It is the hardest lesson I’ll ever learn maybe, that no matter what someone says or does, I’m in control of me- I often fail, but I work hard at it.
First calm, then action, if needed.
I think it takes a lot of desire and personal effort to be open to the public and it’s fashions, trends, opinions, and criticisms, without becoming jaded. It would be extremely easy to be defensive, angry, and bristly.
It’s my desire to help, and that doesn’t come easily. I can’t help anyone if I don’t help myself. It’s a work in progress-
Photo by Laurie Lampe