18/12/2024
I habs a new cousin! Dis my first birdy cousin! Hims thoooo pretty! Go gibs him page a wike and tell him Lily Bear sent you!
š” Transmission to Perchovia š”
Commander Buddy š¦ reporting
Attention, Official Perchovians! Your fearless ambassador has achieved a moment of absolute brilliance. After days of careful observation and tactical peck-testing, I discovered a loose bolt on the gate to my food chamber. Using my superior intelligence (and an undeniable charm), I wiggled it just enough to create my own escape hatch. Thatās rightāI staged a breakout.
There I was, perched majestically outside my cage, basking in my victory while the Perch Blocker sat mere inches away, staring at his human entertainment device. He didnāt notice a thing. I mean, honestly, what good is he if he canāt even detect an intergalactic fugitive in plain sight? When he finally turned his head and realized Iād outsmarted him, he froze like a stunned pigeon. Then, he whispered for reinforcements.
Cue The Big Softie. She swooped in, all panicked but trying to act calm, and attempted to gently persuade me back into captivity. Nice try, Softie. I wasnāt budging. She even offered me some weird, dry square they call a 'saltine cracker.' Listen, if thatās human food, Iām questioning their entire civilization. Zero stars. I demand a better offering next time. Squad, I need your helpāwhatās the best snack I should request next? Tell me your favorite treats, and letās upgrade this pitiful menu.
Oh, and the canine operative? Heās still trying to āinvestigateā me. Every time he gets close, I hit him with the patented *Beak of Justice* right on his snout. Itās effective, but heās persistent. I might need to recruit a few Perch Patrol agents to keep him in check. Applications are openāmust have quick reflexes and a tolerance for dog slobber.
And now, the BIG news: rumor has it, by the weekend, Iāll be moving into The Big Softieās personal quarters. Thatās right, flockmatesāIām upgrading to the prime suite, complete with a better view of my human subjects. Feathers crossed it all goes according to plan, but letās be real: I always have a plan.
Stay strong, stay beaky, and remember: the Great Flocking is coming. Prepare yourselves, and send snacks.
š Perchovia Will Rise š
Stay tuned, Perchovians. Updates on Earth snacks, human behavior, and global takeover strategy to follow. Over and out.
āCommander Buddy š¦