Sunny the Cat's Housepet Soliloquy

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Sunny the Cat's Housepet Soliloquy

Reflections and observations by a refined orange feline and, occasionally, his young gray apprentice.

03/01/2026

“Talk to the tail, Chatty. Your unexcused absence is still inexcusable.”

20/11/2025

“Of all the possible minions, mine has to be the extra-vociferous, Big Blonde Chatty. Here she is first thing this morning, already chirping, and talking without end. And then without warning, she scoops me up, folding me like a French horn, and starts singing into my ear fur about my girth. My tangibleness. My, my … “adorable chonky physique”. What fresh hell is this?!?

Later today, I will exact my vengence on her fledgling African Violet plant. Maybe I’ll spell the word “indignity” on her kitchen floor with its shredded leaves.” — Sunny

15/10/2025

“Attention Big Blonde Chatty. We require a word. It has come to our attention that it has been over a year since we have posted to your Sunny the Cat’s Housepet Soliloquy page. This … is an outrage. It is surely because you have been on near-constant unapproved leave from this house since our last post. Note … the irritated slant of our ears. Note … how we have been repositioning ourselves about the house so as to sit squarely before you basking in our collective cattitude. Note … how we are at this very moment debating taking an economy-sized sh*t in your new autumn booties. Redeem yourself immediately … if not sooner … and secure for us a fresh tuna steak. You have been warned.
Thanks, management.”

17/10/2024

“Big Blonde Chatty’s chirping begins almost immediately after she wakes. It is non-stop. Here we are suffering through another of her song adaptations about our morning rations. Today it’s “Gravy, Gravy” based on the ancient Top 40 hit by Amy Grant: “Baby, Baby” …. We continue to rely upon our inner strength.” -Sunny

08/08/2024

“Big Blonde Chatty. We require a word … How on earth can it be the 18th hour of this … the International Day of the Cat … before that minuscule mind of yours thinks to post an online homage to us??? Here we are plotting our retaliation on your prized tropical hibiscus. We invite you to feel our outrage.”

15/05/2024

“What the? Oh … for the sake of all that’s … Big Blonde Chatty! I realize you are set into an imposing arm sling since your procedure … you have spoken of nothing but that event for two solid weeks … You go about my dwelling baring a striking resemblance to a clumsy stork with a broken wing and you have even ordered the Big Tan One to distribute our morning feast in your stead.

But, as far as I am to understand, you’ve been off of Percocet for at least 10 days now. Therefore you should know that THAT is not the appropriate glassware to present me with my favorite white wine. Shame.”

23/04/2024

“Of all the terrible, deceitful lies …. This, Chatty, is a low point … even for you. Deliberately placing my Temptations treats inside this … this … crate and then slamming the prison door as soon as I entered. I hope you know that my wrath will be exacted upon your newest tropical hibiscus plant the very minute get home.”

17/01/2024

“Minion, this arctic freeze chills me. I require my evening cognac at once. I’ll take it here, in the great room. Make haste.”

13/11/2023

“Currently enduring a prolonged (and especially rigorous) episode of human adoration. She was without my marigold magnificence for three whole days. It’s obviously more than any mere mortal can stand. However, it is I who must continue to rely upon my inner strength …..”

27/09/2023

“Chatty, we require a word as soon as you acquire the seemingly superhuman ability to peel yourself away from your work-at-home computer screen ….
Look at us … donning our very best “conspicuously-inconspicuous” formation … nearly reaching the zenith of our irritation limits … at the lack of adoration we must endure while you grade. This oversight must be addressed at once.”

27/06/2023

“This is an outrage! Look how Chatty 2.0 insists on hoisting us … it’s as if he thinks we are French horns with fur. Please note our outstretched toes in silent, raging protest. At least Big Blonde Chatty adores us whilst keeping us right side up. Unbelievable.”

22/05/2023

"Attention Big Blonde Chatty ... you should know that we are fully aware of your recent indiscretions with those ... those ... feral Caribbean felines. You left your home computer open to Facebook and we have seen it all: the treats ... the adoration ... the (words fail us) behind-the-ear scratches. We are hissed. Royally hissed.
To properly illustrate the level of cattitude that you can expect whenever it is that you decide to bring your globetrotting, carousing self home ... we have compiled a photo essay of the range of our emotions.
As per protocol, we have also ceremonially torn your indoor fern into shreds and used its fronds to spell the word "deceit" on your kitchen floor ... we were just about to relieve ourselves in your tropical hibiscus when Chatty 2.0 and the Big Tan One walked in. We will resume our retributions when they go to bed. We expect you to discontinue these dalliances immediately, if not sooner."

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